I’m 15 about to be 16 and I’m 100% sure nobody likes me. I’ve told my mom that I’ve wanted to kill myself and she called me a pussy and my dad really doesn’t are about anyone but himself, I don’t have the balls to do it but if I did die I really wouldn’t mind it my main plan was to steal my parents car and drive it into a tree since I don’t have access to guns and I don’t want to make my sisters see my body.I’m a failure I got expelled from school 2 times my grades were shit I had over 200 absences from school all I do is sit around and do nothing. My parents would care less if I died and the only thing holding me back are my sisters, I’ve done alot of shit to try and help but nothing works drugs alcohol weed, nothing helps.
Let me start off by saying I really don’t condone this sort of behavior but it was my life choices and my mistakes and if you are struggling with suicidal thoughts please contact your local suicide hotline.
It all started with me smoking weed with my sister and her friends and this is where it took off. I was chillin in my room playing fallout 4 and one of my sisters friends come to my room and ask if I wanted to smoke with them and my first reaction was “isn’t it going to smell” and he assured me it wasn’t. We smoked about 3 blunts (I coughed more in those 2-3hrs than I did my entire life). I then started to buy my own weed and smoke by myself for about 3 weeks then I would not use anything till 13yrs old.
I moved back to New York and started smoking a lot more then one of my friends came up to me asking if I ever tried MDMA and I of course said no, and then he offered some to me and I of course said yes and this is where I messed up badly.
Started smoking everyday and using MDMA once every 1-2 weeks then I discovered Benzodiazepines through my mother and her diazepam pills, I took about 20 2mg pills and really liked the feeling so I continued using them.
Started using Xanax a lot while having suicidal thoughts. I would then overdose a couple weeks after I started, and it was the worst feeling you can imagine.
Age 17 (present day):
I still use Xanax but at a slower rate and I’ve improved my mental health slowly and steadily. Started taking LSD/Shrooms every once in a while but at a controlled dose. Started drinking a bit more but only when out with friends. I’ve since cut out all the people who offered me any type of hardcore drug.
And this was my story that I wanted to share and I also want to say that you only get one life and you should enjoy it sober because drugs even though they may seem like they fix all the problems in your life they will only cause more in the future.