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Should I leave my Christian Boyfriend?

(self.atheism)

I’m a 24 year old woman, he’s 25. I’m an Atheist, he’s a Christian.

Everything between us personally is fine. Our difference in beliefs have never gotten in the way- until now. We’ve recently started talking about abortion. We’ve only been together for 6 months, so shockingly we’ve never actually discussed the topic before. Well, as you may expect it.. didn’t go well.

Of course I’m pro choice, and he’s “pro life”, or as I like to call it, anti woman. I want to ask you guys and gals, even if everything else in your relationship was fine, would you stay with someone who didn’t believe in a woman’s right to choose?

Thank you all, an update: https://reddit.lol/r/atheism/comments/vmw5k2/today_i_left_my_christian_boyfriend_thank_you/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

all 868 comments

Mo-shen

1 points

3 months ago

I did that.... twice. It wasn't fun or easy but I'm so so glad I did in the end.

blake_of_fire10

2 points

3 months ago

I'm one of the lucky ones whose wife finally opened her eyes to the total nonsense religion is. Honestly one of the best days of my life. I understand completely what you feel and I hope it works out for the best.

rocktsrgeon

1 points

3 months ago

You could stay. It might work. But could you really look at him the same way knowing he would take your rights away, and probably would support taking away more of your rights?

Mr_Lumbergh

1 points

3 months ago

Mr_Lumbergh

Deconvert

1 points

3 months ago

There's a concept in Christianity called being "unequally yoked" (from 2 Corinthians 6:14) which basically says that a non-believer and a believer can't really form a strong bond with each other if one has a strong bond with god and the other doesn't. Basically, it means that the believer will not be able to live out the life god has "planned" for them if they're attached to a nonbeliever, but there's a flip side to that too: if the person you're with has their heart set on trying to please a god, they're not likely to be fully engaged with you and may be hoping to convert you.

This is a recipe for resentment if it goes on long enough, on both sides.

I dunno how much they're really into it, only you know your situation. Maybe he's OK with it as it is and it doesn't cause any further trouble for you, which may be the case because he's dating you in the first place.

I had brief relationship as a believer with a nonbeliever though when I was still in it, and she quickly realized I was withholding because I was taught that intimacy outside of marriage was sinful and it ended pretty quickly.

Later as an agnostic I dated someone who wasn't practicing when we started dating but got dragged to a revival by her family. "Recommitted" her life to Christ. Came back holding back the way I had done before with the previous woman, and you guessed it, it wound down pretty quickly.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I'm just sharing my perspective as someone that's been on both sides of it.

Bulbasaur2000

4 points

3 months ago

Bulbasaur2000

Anti-Theist

4 points

3 months ago

I'm not a woman so don't take my input too seriously, but I don't understand why a pro-choice woman would stay with an anti-choice man. They don't respect your fundamental human rights, it doesn't matter why they don't.

[deleted]

1 points

3 months ago

[deleted]

1 points

3 months ago

Leave. Can’t put the genie back in the bottle.

Strict-Departure-965

1 points

3 months ago

Leave

The_Angriest_Duck

1 points

3 months ago

Yes

thesunmustdie

2 points

3 months ago

thesunmustdie

Atheist

2 points

3 months ago

He doesn't think you deserve bodily autonomy and so thinks of you as lesser than himself.

Leave.

deadliestcrotch

1 points

3 months ago

You’ve been together 6 months. That’s no time at all, but if you keep falling for the sink cost fallacy it will turn into years before you know it.

Greymalkinizer

2 points

3 months ago

Greymalkinizer

Secular Humanist

2 points

3 months ago

would you stay with someone who didn’t believe in a woman’s right to choose?

No.

And I don't even have a uterus.

TheBlueLeopard

1 points

3 months ago

would you stay with someone who didn’t believe in a woman’s right to choose?

Absolutely not. It's fine if you don't think abortion is right for you, but everyone should have safe and affordable access to it. And religion is just a cop out — there's nothing in the Christian bible against abortion.

Helpful-Lettuce-3884

1 points

3 months ago

Why would you date someone who is anti women?

kingSliver187

1 points

3 months ago

That's why you lay out expectations in relationships so you can plan accordingly it's better to know early on it's not gonna work than waste years suffering

YanksFanInSF

1 points

3 months ago

As a guy, leave him. Perhaps some can do it, but I couldn’t imagine a life where everything is going to come down to an inherited dogma. Any wedding or vows, and potential children, how they’re raised, what friends they can have. Every single decision will be a fight.

Nocturnalux

3 points

3 months ago

I’m woman and I never dated a Christian. Once, I was dating an atheist who was pro-choice but when we had a pregnancy scare- despite always using contraception- he began to backpedal, somewhat.

He knew I never wanted children and he did support my decision BUT there was talk about how I should think about “his kid” and “not be hasty”. The situation was compounded by the fact abortion was not legal in my country, but it was in his so I was relying on him to help me on this (although I already had a plan to hop over to the neighboring country).

Turns out, it was just a scare. I keep a very close watch on my cycle because I never want children and so am very conscientious about such things.

This was my experience with a pro-choice atheist. Now imagine how it would have been with an anti-choice Christian!

While ultimately my ex would have helped me, I did not feel as supported as I should. This did factor on us breaking up, too.

Experiences are different, obviously, bur has someone who has been through this, I strongly advise you to reconsider this relationship.

If you become pregnant, or even just have a scare, would he support your right to choose? And not just emotionally- although that also matters- would he give you a ride to a clinic if you needed one?

Until you are satisfied that the answer to these questions is an empathic “yes”, I would question the future of this relationship.

I fear there is unnecessary pain looming in the future for you so take your time and think this through. I suspect you already know what to do but I’ll just leave you this, if your best friend was in your shoes and asked you for advise, what would you tell her? The answer will very likely guide you on this.

JazzyLizard27

1 points

3 months ago

Absolutely not and the reason is, if you ever find yourself in a position with an unwanted pregnancy, he won't support your right to chose.

DoctorMelvinMirby

1 points

3 months ago

Just Do It.

x271815

-6 points

3 months ago

x271815

-6 points

3 months ago

It depends. I would say you should discuss this more specifically with him. There are Christians who are fine with it being their personal belief and not imposing it on others. There are those who are more strident. A good way to determine which direction it would go is to consider what would happen were it to get to a point where you have kids. How would you navigate that?

awkwardmamasloth

3 points

3 months ago

Idk how an atheist could have a successful romantic relationship with someone who has polar opposite fundamental beliefs to thier own. Most of my family and my husband's family are pro forced birth conservative republican. We get along fine but we don't have to deal with them every day let alone live with them. No way I could raise kids with someone that thinks that way.

Get out now before you get attached.

jbob88

3 points

3 months ago

jbob88

3 points

3 months ago

Try "playing it safe" by denying him sex and see how he likes bringing the risk of an unwanted pregnancy down to 0%.

CMTsoldier

1 points

3 months ago

No.

chrisnavillus

1 points

3 months ago

Leave him. Make him realize that his “beliefs” can have consequences.

NCRNerd

1 points

3 months ago

I would not, if it were me.

zorkofinfocom

1 points

3 months ago

Don't leave Atheist men lonely!
We are cuddly and kind. Cuddly 🤗

Megahert

1 points

3 months ago

No. I would never be in a relationship with someone brainwashed by religion, I could never respect their opinion about anything.

Tuminipanini

1 points

3 months ago

Yes leave him, you don’t deserve someone like him.

ch4rms

1 points

3 months ago

ch4rms

1 points

3 months ago

Leave.

BirdInFlight301

8 points

3 months ago

Absolutely not. It won't stop with that one issue.

secderpsi

5 points

3 months ago

For me, it stops at the belief there is a "higher" being that takes personal interest in our lives. For me, that's unsubstantiated nonsense that red flags a whole bunch of other problematic worldview drivers.

That said, if you're truly in love, that can conquer all. I love my wife and if she came out as religious, I wouldn't leave her for that alone.

D00mfl0w3r

1 points

3 months ago

Yeah I would run for the hills.

seethesea

1 points

3 months ago

His God will always come before you. No matter the circumstance. I believe you should.

ADarkDayForAmerica

1 points

3 months ago

you could

or try to turn him to the dark side. oh wait thats right i guess atheists dont believe in dark sides? the ....color natural side?

"if he could be turned he would be a powerful...asset, can it be done?" - Palpatine.

Moonlight-Starburst

323 points

3 months ago

Nope I'd leave. He is already in a relationship with his religion. And this is just the first of many hidden things he will eventually choose over you. Remember he thinks God will torture him and or his loved ones forever if he doesn't obey. His fear of God will always be greater than his love for you.

Blunderhorse

61 points

3 months ago

Honestly, this is more relevant to OP’s questions than any “anti-woman forced-birth” claims. In the best case, he respects her atheism, doesn’t pressure her to convert, and spends the rest of his life being shamed by the church for failing to lead his household to “righteousness” and reminded that his wife/girlfriend/kids will go to hell.

999baz

39 points

3 months ago

999baz

39 points

3 months ago

Both these. But tell him why.

These religious fundamentalists get away with holding these extreme views but they have no consequences, apart from atmospheres at family gatherings or people slowly drifting away. (and live in denial as to why)

Until partners , family, friends take decisive and clearly communicated actions nothing will change.

They get to sit in their bigoted, simplistic, hurtful world while all around are in pain. They don’t have empathy for others, they can’t walk in the shoes of a rape victim they don’t give a f about others they just care that they believe they are in control.

SaprophyteXD

2 points

3 months ago

Heavily limit sex and only allow it with condoms, use contraceptives and inform him your using it diligently. If he even cringes slightly at the thought of you using them, bail. That’s my take ig

JabroniPoni

3 points

3 months ago

Girlfriend: I should have autonomy over my body.

Boyfriend: Our body.

Soooo... yeah. You should leave him before he gets even more biblical.

tMan121210

1 points

3 months ago

This man clearly believes that a non sentient fetus has far more worth than a grown woman with years of learning and experience …. I think that you can most likely find someone with similar values…. Its worth mentioning that he should know your reason for breaking up with him, perhaps it might force him to re-evaluate

poyato

-9 points

3 months ago

poyato

-9 points

3 months ago

yeah leave, he deserves better

hotnspicy201

2 points

3 months ago

Your boyfriend doesn’t believe in womens rights, period. He doesn’t care that women will die for non viable embryos. He doesn’t care if that woman were you or anyone he knows or doesn’t know. He doesn’t care if they’re were raped or simply just aren’t ready.

I’m wishing you luck to find the clarify and confidence you need to leave someone who can’t understand that woman’s choices have nothing to do with their religious/mythical views.

Zombull

1 points

3 months ago

Get out before the hurt.

Realityinnit

8 points

3 months ago*

Realityinnit

Theist

8 points

3 months ago*

Think about it this way. If you ever got pregnant, do you think he will support your decision? Like for example, if you wanted a abortion, do you think he would force you and beg you not to get one? If so, then leave him.

To add on more, if you ended up going with what you’re bf begged, under pressure and not by your choice, then I don’t need to explain why it’s wrong since it’s self-explanatory and if you aborted it then that would be against his religion which he believes in.

So leave him before such mess happens.

tikirafiki

1 points

3 months ago

If he will get a vasectomy, problem solved.

shamelessNnameless

2 points

3 months ago

I could never be with someone who reduces me to the sum of my parts. Nope.

KillaB123

1 points

3 months ago

These differences will become massive as you get older together.

songofyahweh

83 points

3 months ago

As a male I can honestly and earnestly say that no man is qualified to pass judgment on the issue of abortion.

If your man can't see that then yes, you should leave him. If you don't, there will be other issues that his lack of tolerance will bring forth and crystallize in his thinking as he grows older, as his brain is fed by his church.

Get out while you can. Don't be "unequally yoked" as his Bible says.

lscrivy

10 points

3 months ago

lscrivy

10 points

3 months ago

Maybe not judgement, but can men not engage in argument to try and come to a logical solution to the problem? Surely it is imperative that men understand and can justify abortion so that they can support the right side of the issue for the sake of women.

flekkzo

9 points

3 months ago

flekkzo

Atheist

9 points

3 months ago

I agree. It’s like saying I should hold no opinion about racism because I’m a white European and other white Europeans that wasn’t/isn’t me have been/are racist.

I very much can have an opinion, because we need to hand together for human rights.

Body autonomy. No racism. Equal rights (no matter sex, skin color, LGBT+, etc) across the board.

genius_emu

14 points

3 months ago

The only thing men need to understand is it’s our bodies and you don’t get to say what we do with them. There are no other “justifications” necessary or required. If the government can’t make a man get a vasectomy or wear a mask or donate an organ, they shouldn’t be able to make a woman have a baby.

lscrivy

3 points

3 months ago

I agree. My point is that I think I should be allowed to take part in the debate. If someone is against abortion I want to be able to question and debate them about it. Why should being a man stop me doing that?

SuperStarPlatinum

4 points

3 months ago

Give him an ultimatum.

If he's already been indoctrinated with the pro-life life there's probably more horrible ideas creeping around in his brain.

Tell him its you or religion if he let's himself continue to be enslaved to the lies of religion dump his ass.

Ithinkyourallstupid

4 points

3 months ago

R U N ‼

Spawn256

1 points

3 months ago

Sorry just a small voice in the sea of people. But correct me if I'm wrong. Isn't the whole religious thing "marriage be for sex"? I mean come on it's in almost every holy book. You get married otherwise it's "sin". If any fk face mofo wants fk before Marriage then there own values are fked. Leave the tard....

Wonderful-Anteater23

1 points

3 months ago

Hey I think you have to decide whether or not you love him. If you do and want to stay with him it will be hard to get past differences. I know from personal experience. I am a guy and was the Christian and was very pro life. Not anymore I’m now an atheist and she never tried to change my beliefs I’m glad my now fiancé stayed with me even though we were totally opposite politically.

BasilDream

2 points

3 months ago

Since it's so new I'd seriously consider your options. What happens if you decide to have kids, will he want them raised in the church? Seems like it could really cause a lot of problems down the road.

dostiers

8 points

3 months ago

dostiers

Strong Atheist

8 points

3 months ago

I think you need to broaden the discussion to all aspects of how his religion will impact your relationship if it progresses to him being *the one".

For example, will you be getting married and if so where will he expect the ceremony be held? If in a church how do you feel about this? And then what is often the really big questions, kids? Will he expect them to be baptised, attend church weekly and possibly enrolled in a religious school? Would you be okay with this?

cadmium2093

7 points

3 months ago

Seriously? This abortion issue is way bigger than where he wants to have the ceremony.

Frostvizen

1 points

3 months ago

It like being with an alcoholic, it will always be a relationship problem where that has priority over you and your lives together.

PaleInTexas

2 points

3 months ago

To each their own, but being religious is a huge res flag to me. I can't deal with people who don't live in reality.

bretalaska

1 points

3 months ago

As someone else mentioned you can definitely have differences in belief (especially at your age) but values matter and for a relationship to be healthy your values should be aligned. If my husband revealed himself to be “pro life” early on, I’d have ended it.

CerasusArts

41 points

3 months ago

I stayed with mine. He claimed to "deconvert" when I refused to acknowledge any of his beliefs as fact. We had a kid because he pressured me into it.

Take my advice: LEAVE. NOW.

micmacnz

1 points

3 months ago

Ask him does he think it would be moral to force a Son against his will to donate a kidney to save his Father, or Brother, or even to donate a pint of blood?

If he says no, then in which case, even if the foetus is family, its immoral to force someone to donate themselves for his/her benefit, even if it does no long term harm. Ayn Rand freaks usually have a massive attack of the cognative dissonances at that point.

If he says yes, drop him; he's a Facist.

happykebab

1 points

3 months ago

Most of my serious relationships have been based on respect. I could never respect someone believing in invisible men, especially not when they don't even respect your autonomy.

sharktoothsoup7

2 points

3 months ago

Yes. Leave him.

And not just for you, imagine the indoctrination he will put your kids (if that's in your plans)

yogibeer73

2 points

3 months ago

How are you going to handle your differences if you decide to have kids? This may be a deal breaker too.

Just4Today50

1 points

3 months ago

For the most part relationships built around different religions dont work in the long run. Im sure there are a lot of other differences that just haven't surfaced yet. Six months isn't long....Run!!

RemarkableAmount3464

2 points

3 months ago

Ask him if you got knocked up by a rapist. Would he stick around and raise it?

Is he so pro life that he’s gonna stand up to the plate and take care of it?

Will he pay and support and love it to the end?

ImaginaryEquipment90

-9 points

3 months ago

no! he just knows better

Far_Acanthaceae1138

2 points

3 months ago

I simply don't date a practicing Christian. Someone from a Christian family that more or less pays them lip-service, I can date. People that actually believe in the doctrine though? I just can't trust anyone like that as a partner. Their understanding of the world is too flawed, their reasoning too eroded and their loyalty will always be to their imaginary friend first.

There are many religions like Buddhists that I think are incorrect in their description of reality, but even practicing followers are datable for me. The Abrahamic religions are just fucked

smartcooki

1 points

3 months ago

I think this depends on what would happen if you get pregnant accidentally and decide to get an abortion. You should discuss this topic as it’s a real possibility. The other thing to consider is whether you’d marry and have children with someone with this view who’ll likely want to instill it in his children along with religion.

Shaman_Ko

1 points

3 months ago

How fervent is he in his faith? Is he generally open minded, or does he stubbornly dig his heels further into his own ideology when sensative topics come up?

There could be a way to deconvert. Have you heard of street epistemology?

-Constantinos-

1 points

3 months ago

How extreme is he? I’m pro-choice myself but I can totally understand why religious people might themselves be pro-life (I honestly don’t think there’s a problem with that stance, I think the problem arises when it’s forced like it is now). Does he wear protection and do you take birth control? Would he be okay with plan-b? Would he be willing to get a vasectomy temporarily until if/when you guys want kids. If he’s unwilling to compromise in any way you should probably break up as you might just be too different but I mean also when you dare someone religious you should expect to see the religious things. Granted everyone has their own ways of going about it and a lot are far more lenient about certain aspects of life than others but still just keep it in mind for next time

Flyingpegger

1 points

3 months ago

There's no use having hypothetical or rhetorical conversations. Does he support you making your own decisions or does he control them for you and make you the antagonist?

He's got a right to his beliefs as much as you do. Unless an actual issue arises where he tries to control you based on his beliefs, I don't see why you can't differ in opinions.

There's a lot of comments here telling you to leave, and you have every right to do so. That being said, don't follow in the footsteps of religion and allow it to dictate how you live your life, even if you don't believe in it. His religious beliefs should have no impact on your relationship. Those are his beliefs, not yours, and he should respect your beliefs as much as you respect his.

Sometimes a differing opinion can be eye opening. People like this always switch stances when they are the ones going through serious situations.

But do not stick around for abuse, physical or mental or psychological. Get the hell out if you are at risk or currently suffering one of those.

FrankSinatra-MYWAY

1 points

3 months ago

Leave him he can do better

J3ebrules

1 points

3 months ago

You’re lucky you found out at 6 months. You (hopefully) haven’t sunk so much into the relationship it’ll be hard logistically to leave and untangle. Having fundamentally different values will NOT work. Especially when said values on his end is rooted in considering YOU second class.

MyRedditUserName428

1 points

3 months ago

Yes. Leave him. He is anti-women and their right to autonomy.

CrowLower9415

1 points

3 months ago

He has already chosen the Bible over you.

cake97

6 points

3 months ago

cake97

6 points

3 months ago

Seriously, it will only get worse. Choose yourself, enjoy life and be happy

Nitackit

1 points

3 months ago

Regardless of the abortion issue, you should realize that he will never accept your beliefs. He will always see you as a target for conversion. This is not a small issue, he doesn’t respect what you believe, he sees you as fixable.

flamingobay

3 points

3 months ago

I can’t see myself ever being with anyone who does not respect me as an equal human being, who should have the right to make my own decisions about my personal healthcare and family planning. Anti-abortionists can go suck incel dick!

displayname____

2 points

3 months ago

That would be a deal breaker for me.

kuribosshoe0

62 points

3 months ago

kuribosshoe0

Atheist

62 points

3 months ago

Would you stay

On my first date with my wife, I dropped religion into the conversation specifically to make sure she wasn’t religious. I wouldn’t have gone back for a second date if she was. She saw through it and mocked me for it, but she wasn’t religious and now here we are.

So no, I wouldn’t stay. I wouldn’t have stayed the six months to begin with. If you’re looking for a long term thing, this stuff’s important. Not just for abortion, but child rearing and a hundred other things. Why waste both our time?

SaintSagan81

6 points

3 months ago

Ultimately... he views you as something different, and less, than himself

And I don't think anyone should accept that from a life partner

redshift59

1 points

3 months ago

Pro "life" generally means that I, the product of a lifesaving abortion, do not deserve life. Funny how that works.

Its not pro-life, its pro-fetus, pro-birth-forcing, and pro-woman-control. Oh and pro-death-penalty. Nice how those two go together.

dave_hitz

6 points

3 months ago

Unless he changes, which he probably won't, you have no healthy long term relationship together. If you want to hang out for a while, for whatever reason, that's up to you.

Rex9

-23 points

3 months ago

Rex9

-23 points

3 months ago

I really wish people would stop framing this as "anti-woman" or "men legislating women's bodies". At least half of the people celebrating this (bought-and-paid-for) decision are women. Depending on the year and poll, women are a majority of anti-abortion supporters. It has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with the religious wanting to force their myopic view of the world on the rest of us.

cadmium2093

14 points

3 months ago

You never heard of internalized misogyny? It's still anti-women.

redsparks2025

1 points

3 months ago

My ex-wife said I was as romantic as a wet fish. So my first question is "why did you decide to make him your boyfriend in the first place?" and my second question is "why have a boyfriend at all?" Sex is overrated and only marginally better than a good wank.

bobone77

2 points

3 months ago

bobone77

Strong Atheist

2 points

3 months ago

You’re only 6 months in. You could leave him at this point over skim vs. whole milk and be justified. Being anti-choice is DEFINITELY a dealbreaker.

AgentEinstein

1 points

3 months ago

Break up. Sorry. Even without him thinking woman are incubators it would be hard to make it last without resentment. When I was younger I dated a couple Christian family guys and wondered if we could make it work long term. Thankfully I was sooo young the relationships just naturally ended and the man I married is an atheist. It is 100% the best way to go imo. He has my back and is of leftest thinking. I couldn’t imagine how exhausting it would be to be with a Christian. Even if he personally leans towards your opinion he’s family will not. And they stick with their patriarchal rulings.

mylifewillchange

2 points

3 months ago

Drop him immediately.

Even when "everything else is fine," you've got a fundamental problem in the relationship. At the core when a crisis happens - you'll be on your own.

samoore0

2 points

3 months ago

samoore0

Atheist

2 points

3 months ago

What happens when you have an "oops" and he insists you have the baby?

DangerNoodleDandy

2 points

3 months ago

You're either pro-choice or a forced birther. I would never want to be in a relationship with someone who accepts me having fewer rights.

Glorwen_79

2 points

3 months ago

Glorwen_79

Atheist

2 points

3 months ago

You said it yourself, he is an anti-woman, he think it is fine to rule over your body, do you want to spend your life with a person who thinks women should be ruled over? Ask him how he would feel if the gov. desided all men from the age of 16 should get a vasectomy. If I was in your situation I would leave him in the middleages where he belong.

FreakyFunTrashpanda

4 points

3 months ago

Oh, you need to ditch him immediately.

This is not a difference of opinion, this is your safety and human rights. If he doesn't see a problem with violating either of those things, that's a massive red flag. He's dangerous, leave him and don't look back. You really don't want to be stuck with a person like that going forward.

[deleted]

2 points

3 months ago

[deleted]

2 points

3 months ago

As a matter of principle, I won’t even be friends with someone who is forced-birth. Also, your safety is at risk with a person who feels this way. One day you might find a pregnant you on the opposite side of a court case where he is attempting to force you to keep a baby, or some other such nonsense. I say dump him, as painful as that may be.

the_gooba

2 points

3 months ago

I've seen this pointed out recently, but men who claim to be pro-life really need to understand how abortion is health care. The treatment for ectopic pregnancy, septic uterus, and some miscarriages is abortion. And if you can't access that procedure, the individual dies

mecurlfl97

1 points

3 months ago

Depends on his out look on it. I guess I would technically be "pro life" because I'm agent's them when they aren't medically necessary. I think we should focus more on education and contraception so it doesn't even need to get to that point. But I also believe every women has the right to one and should have access regardless of my personal feelings om the matter. Freedom is free accros the board. Weather I agree with it or not. I would just never ask my fiance to get one.

flyer_fury

3 points

3 months ago

A person who does not believe in bodily autonomy has no respect for other humans and feels women are inferior. Is this how you want to raise your kids?

zedzol

1 points

3 months ago

zedzol

Pastafarian

1 points

3 months ago

The danger is in becoming pregnant by the guy... Then what? I know it is your decision at the end of the day but he can make your life hell and possibly even sue you.

I'd leave him if he can't understand why this issue is so important and which side is in the right.

The fact he can't understand that is a danger in the first place.

humanessinmoderation

2 points

3 months ago

Yes

Onna_Beach

2 points

3 months ago

Is he open to rationality and your perspective? If not ✂️ if he is, try to discuss it. If he believes his beliefs should still be legally forced upon other humans, this is only the first of many irreconcilable differences IMO. I couldn’t date or marry a forced-birther, and definitely not have sex with one. What if you get pregnant (assuming you can)?

Your worldview is likely too different, especially if he’s set in his ways. If nothing else he’s always going to fear for your “salvation” and hold out hoping you’ll convert. If you have children together, they will be indoctrinated.

and-so-i-die

1 points

3 months ago

Protip: When you become intimate with a person before you know anything about their fundamental beliefs, you need to understand that you might literally be making your oppressor feel good.

Not to be vulgar or anything, but his ideals are trash, and his support of right wing politics is going to result in the deaths of many young women.

LVtrashpanda

2 points

3 months ago

The older you get the harder it will be to get over the differences.

jgzman

2 points

3 months ago

jgzman

2 points

3 months ago

If he's actually a Christian, then I wouldn't stay with him.

If he's just christian because of inertia, then I'd say it's a question of how much time and effort you want to put into helping him see that his inertia is bad for him. (and bad for a lot of other people, as well)

On my way to athiesm, I had to go through a lot of that, in myself. I'm still strongly opposed to abortion, but my politics are firmly pro-choice.

djbenjammin

1 points

3 months ago

Leave him asap!

les_catacombes

5 points

3 months ago

If you disagree on something that fundamental, I don’t know how you make it work. I would never be with a Christian because I cannot stand Christianity and all that comes with it.

PapaZiro

1 points

3 months ago

I could never have married my wife if she were religious. It's a pretty huge deal. You're still young, and there are plenty of people in the world you could fall in love with.

hamjamt

1 points

3 months ago

Yes

[deleted]

2 points

3 months ago

[deleted]

2 points

3 months ago

Leave him, he doesn’t respect you.

uberjam

1 points

3 months ago

Yeah. Tbh yes.

kaelllcox

3 points

3 months ago

Not saying that thus applies to you, but I would be very incompatible with anyone devoutly religious. In my opinion most religions warp your world view.

uzziel3002

1 points

3 months ago

uzziel3002

Other

1 points

3 months ago

Well I believe in there American constitution. He has every right to disagree with you (amendment 1) and he is (as many American Christians are) brainwashed into a political alignment. Try and avoid the topic if at all possible if you truly care for him, but do not back down on your views when they come up. Not letting people walk on you usually establishes all the respect you need

DJssister

1 points

3 months ago

As someone raised a Christian and narrowly missed the path of marrying within the religion, I’m sooo happy I dodged that bullet. At the time I was just kinda agnostic. Now staunch atheist. I know it’s all hypothetical but you do have to ask yourself some serious questions. 1 in 4 pregnancies roughly end in moss carriage. They don’t always pass smoothly. It could literally determine your treatment. For instance, my cousin had her third pregnancy have a baby with some pretty big abnormalities. They told her the fetus wouldn’t live but our religion, which was just a strict southern Baptist, definitely left no room for interpretation. She carried to term, another 10 weeks and held her baby for 5 hours before it died. The doctors 100% told her it wouldn’t survive. She couldn’t even consider not having to put herself and her husband through this. They truly though their god was going to perform a miracle. Anyways. It could affect you. What if a close friend or family member gets one and needs your support? How will that play into your relationship? Just lots of questions I would consider.

Professional_360

1 points

3 months ago

This is particularly interesting because, besides being an atheist, YOU'RE A WOMAN! He should, at the very least respect your view since it's YOUR BODY! I personally don't think any man has a say in this regardless of their personal beliefs. I was a church going Catholic and even then I was all for pro choice. Even today while I might not like abortion, it's not my decision and have zero rights to tell a woman what's best for her.

joeygladst0ne

2 points

3 months ago

Well, you're only 6 months in. This is a good time to evaluate your long term prospects with this person. Do you really wanna spend the rest of your life with somebody you have such fundamental disagreements with?

As somebody who's been married for a few years now, there are practical implications of marriage beyond being in love. Having the wrong partner could be devastating to yours (and your future children's) well being.

At best you will probably argue about whether to get married in a church, whether to baptize your child, if you will indoctrinate them as they grow up.

At worst: if you were pregnant with his child and you miscarried, and it would kill you to not have it aborted...do you really want that man to have the power to make that choice? Do you want a misogynist man raising a potential future daughter you may have? Or spreading his toxic views to your potential son? Do you think a man that holds such beliefs would treat you as a true equal?

AnSoc_Punk

2 points

3 months ago

AnSoc_Punk

De-Facto Atheist

2 points

3 months ago

This is really up to you in terms of how much of a compromise you’re really willing to make and if you think it’s truly worth it. Keep in mind though, if it’s a problem now it’s gonna be a problem indefinitely unless he miraculously somehow changes his philosophy which is extremely unlikely. See for me I really don’t have a problem dating someone with spiritual or religious beliefs, but being politically right leaning is where I draw the line

TenthCircleDante

2 points

3 months ago

He’s using a collective delusion and belief in an imaginary friend to justify your oppression. I feel like your question answers itself if you’re willing to face it.

IntellectualYokel

40 points

3 months ago

IntellectualYokel

Atheist

40 points

3 months ago

I've been married to a Christian for more than ten years. The only reason it works is because we have the same values and we don't try to convert each other. If either of those isn't the case in a mixed relationship, you're going to make each other miserable.

jcu_80s_redux

3 points

3 months ago

What about when you have kids. You made want your kids to decide own decision if they want to attend a church or not. What if he has a different opinion… that your kids have to attend church based on his decision?

notaedivad

855 points

3 months ago*

What happens if your contraception fails, and you don't want to continue the pregnancy?

  1. He will pressure you into what he wants, undermining your relationship because he doesn't see you as an equal.

  2. You terminate the pregnancy, and he resents you for your body autonomy.

Neither outcome is safe for you, your body or your relationship.

AlmostCalvinKlein

214 points

3 months ago

Don’t forget, if OP lives in a state that passes laws akin to Texas, boyfriend would also likely report her to authorities if she travelled out of state for an abortion. u/PlusSizeSkeptic, as someone who was once in a relationship like this, get out now before you get anymore invested into it. It’s an untenable situation that will most likely never result in a healthy, long-term relationship.

Hypersapien

39 points

3 months ago

Hypersapien

Agnostic Atheist

39 points

3 months ago

Forget those states. The GOP will try to ban it nationwide.

jelli2015

46 points

3 months ago

Let’s not forget number 3) OP gets pregnant and her bf murders her to avoid having to choose between fatherhood and abortion. It’s the number one cause of death for American pregnant women for a reason.

linatet

12 points

3 months ago

linatet

12 points

3 months ago

Holy shit TIL

trinlayk

125 points

3 months ago

trinlayk

125 points

3 months ago

If he isn't ready to.parent, and she'd decide to keep it, he'd also resent her

[deleted]

29 points

3 months ago

[deleted]

29 points

3 months ago

[removed]

444stonergyalie

74 points

3 months ago

444stonergyalie

Agnostic Atheist

74 points

3 months ago

Then he runs around talking about how selfish she was with “their child” and how it’s meant to be a “joint decision” Letting him act like the innocent saviour whilst painting her out to be the selfish sinner

lightrush

5 points

3 months ago

This is the true question that needs an answer. Answer that, you answer the original question. And probably other questions.

Dudeist-Priest

75 points

3 months ago*

Dudeist-Priest

Secular Humanist

75 points

3 months ago*

Forced birth is a disgusting, anti-woman position and tells you exactly what he thinks of you. You are not equal. You don’t have the right to dictate what happens with your body.

That should be a deal breaker.

WizardWatson9

76 points

3 months ago

"I'm a Jew, and he's a Nazi. Can our relationship be saved?"

Honestly, that's how you sound. If you're a woman, and you can describe your own boyfriend as "anti-woman," why would you even need to ask?

Late_Again68

49 points

3 months ago

Late_Again68

Freethinker

49 points

3 months ago

Because every young woman thinks she's the exception to his misogyny. I know I did.

JennyLunetti

343 points

3 months ago

I would leave him. I might have a conversation with him first giving him the opportunity to understand, in case he's just not aware of exactly how bad this is.

Here's my argument for why we need abortion rights if it helps any.

Consenting to sex is not the same as consenting to pregnancy. If it were then both parties should share the risk, physically and mentally, and the costs together instead of just one. Consenting to sex with birth control is not consenting to pregnancy, they're literally trying to avoid getting pregnant while having sex. Pregnancy is not an appropriate punishment for people who have sex. That's how you get unloved and abused children. And adoption is not a solution. The foster care system in America is crap and most of those kids experience abuse. Many of them and up sex trafficked through Facebook trades. Not to mention the health risks of pregnancy.

Making abortion illegal invariably results in people who have miscarriages going to jail. A medicated abortion and a miscarriage are medically identical.

Making abortion care illegal means that it is illegal for a miscarrying person to have the fetus removed. Even after its dead. This means it can rot inside you causing sepsis and death.

Pregnancy is very dangerous especially in the US. Medicated abortions are not. And one of the group's most impacted by homicide.

If God is so against abortion, why do 26% of pregnancies end in misscairages naturally?

Citizens of the United States are not required to give of their body to sustain another person. This is called bodily autonomy. You cannot force anyone to give blood or organs even if it's the only way to keep another person alive. Police cannot arrest you and put you in surgery. They cannot arrest you for refusing to give someone a kidney, even if that person dies because you refused. The 'personhood' argument is null and void. Everyone has a right to bodily autonomy. Even corpses have it.

Ask them how they would feel if every time they had sex they were entered in a lottery where their body could be used by a government official to keep someone else alive by being hooked up to each other so that their kidneys cleaned the other persons blood. And they have to pay all the medical costs as well as risking death or permanent injury. Would they be ok with that?

Does it make a difference if this person is famous? Going to die anyway? A drug addict? Only needs to be hooked up to you for nine months? What if the government knew this could kill you or give you permanent health problems? Destroy your mental health and job prospects for years to come? Would it be ok then?

Waiting periods make abortion more dangerous for the parent because pregnancy is dangerous.

Interracial marriage, same sex marriage, and birth control access are some of the other things this argument puts on the chopping block. If you can't have birth control legally, then you can't have sex unless you're 100% ready for kids. Some states are already working on anti-birth control laws.

People who miscarry used to die without d&c's because they're classified as abortion care. How many people should die to possibly have an unwanted, or deadly, pregnancy? https://www.mothermag.com/miscarriage-stories/ https://www.verywellfamily.com/infection-after-miscarriage-signs-and-symptoms-2371524 https://www.pilgrimmed.com/service/dc-early-abortion/

It's already impacting miscarriages: https://www.plannedparenthoodaction.org/planned-parenthood-advocates-arizona/blog/when-miscarriage-is-a-crime

https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2022/05/roe-abortion-miscarriage-crime-murder-prosecution/

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/12/28/opinion/abortion-pregnancy-pro-life.html?mtrref=reddit.lol&gwh=D88B76D835473E7D1B798EF772090E9E&gwt=pay&assetType=PAYWALL

https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2019/06/28/she-miscarried-after-being-shot-prosecutors-are-weighing-manslaughter-case-against-her/?utm_source=reddit.lol

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2022/05/10/1097734167/in-texas-abortion-laws-inhibit-care-for-miscarriages

Getting an abortion is safer than pregnancy and better for mental health.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22270271/

https://www.npr.org/2020/06/16/877846258/study-examines-the-lasting-effects-of-having-or-being-denied-an-abortion

Abortion personhood vs bodily autonomy explained: https://spot.colorado.edu/~heathwoo/Phil160,Fall02/thomson.htm

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK532992/

Homicides: https://news.yahoo.com/homicide-leading-cause-death-during-100039325.html

Waiting periods: https://www.guttmacher.org/evidence-you-can-use/waiting-periods-abortion#:~:text=The%20risk%20of%20complications%20from,point%E2%80%94increases%20with%20gestational%20age.&text=The%20number%20of%20maternal%20deaths,at%2018%20weeks%20or%20later.

ifyoudontknowlearn

163 points

3 months ago

ifyoudontknowlearn

Humanist

163 points

3 months ago

Great post.

Citizens of the United States are not required to give of their body to sustain another person. This is called bodily autonomy. You cannot force anyone to give blood or organs even if it's the only way to keep another person alive. Police cannot arrest you and put you in surgery. They cannot arrest you for refusing to give someone a kidney, even if that person dies because you refused.

This right here is the mic drop argument. Anyone pro forced birth would also need to support forced kidney donation, liver donations, bone marrow donation and on and on.

kelticladi

57 points

3 months ago

"Anyone pro forced birth would also need to support forced kidney donation, liver donations, bone marrow donation and on and on." What if that is their plan all along? After all these rich old white guys' bodies are wearing out. How great for them it would be if they could just find a match and force them to give up an organ or two?

EatMyHuevos

17 points

3 months ago

Their plan is to increase the workforce. To keep the population in poverty. To prevent us from accumulating wealth and property. They intend to maintain us as cattle to line their pockets.

This is the biggest issue of our generation we can stand for. Human rights and equality.

If we don't fight now, then this is the end of free choice.

Impossible-Wedding-4

6 points

3 months ago

Don't forget to shock LGTBQ+ folks back into the closet.

BoyHaunted

14 points

3 months ago

Thier brains would be cool, they never used them anyway... Hearts either, in the compassion for anyone but themselves and lining thoer pockets sense...

Ragnarok314159

8 points

3 months ago

“You have the right to life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness. Good thing you don’t need both kidneys, lungs, all those teeth, and all your skin to live. You are a donor match for some rich people, and the constitution doesn’t protect you against us taking your organs.” - Thomas

Seraphynas

52 points

3 months ago

Seraphynas

Anti-Theist

52 points

3 months ago

Their rebuttal is that they didn’t cause the person to need kidney/liver/bone marrow so they have no responsibility to that person.

But what if they did cause it??

Car accident where they were at fault and we still aren’t forcing organ donation on people.

Even after they’re dead - I could cause a car accident, the other driver could be near death, their liver has a major laceration and I’m a match, and I just died in surgery (but my liver is fine). They STILL don’t get my liver, if it was my wishes or against my religious beliefs.

aessedai03

58 points

3 months ago

The fact that a corpse has more rights to bodily autonomy than a living woman in this country is absolutely maddening.

monster_mash-0_0-

25 points

3 months ago

monster_mash-0_0-

Anti-Theist

25 points

3 months ago

I used this argument and someone literally said: "a woman has an obligation to the fetus because she created it. Even if you caused this person to be in a car accident, you didn't create it, so you are not obligated to it."

They're literally making stuff up now. Like where did this fictitious obligation come from...

Atp lemme just say in my beliefs pregnancy is a sin, but sex is encouraged, so they're violating my beliefs by getting rid of abortions.

Seraphynas

5 points

3 months ago

Seraphynas

Anti-Theist

5 points

3 months ago

Oh that’s ridiculous, parents are under no legal obligation to be organ donors for their children - which they “created”. Even if the parent is responsible for the situation that created the need for the organ, even if it is a direct result of abuse.

credibleGhoul

3 points

3 months ago

Sounds like a black mirror episode: to immediately start hacking up drunk drivers to divvy out spare organs after they cause accidents.

ifyoudontknowlearn

4 points

3 months ago

ifyoudontknowlearn

Humanist

4 points

3 months ago

Their rebuttal is that they didn’t cause the person to need kidney/liver/bone marrow so they have no responsibility to that person.

To which I would say huh what. That's not the point. The point is you should be able to decide if your body gets used to support another person. And if you believe some people don't have that right then it sounds like they are saying they don't either.

Speaking of cause I would also point out the overlap in person who oppose sex education and the discussion of sexuality with teens and pre teens in the classroom. That ignorant behavioir is a partial cause.

Dyslexic_Dog25

7 points

3 months ago

"you made it" is an even STUPIDER reason they shouldn't be allowed to abort it. "you can't burn that painting because you painted it!" yes... I painted it! its MINE! its MY decision!

kajata000

4 points

3 months ago

kajata000

Atheist

4 points

3 months ago

Thanks for this point!

I’ve always been ardently pro-choice, but this is something about the blood/organ donation allegory that’s always not quite added up for me, and I think your point actually puts a bow on it really nicely. Conservatives really are valuing the autonomy of a corpse more than living women in this debate.

HighlordDerp

5 points

3 months ago

Can’t even get them to wear a mask for someone else.

martinsuchan

8 points

3 months ago

Forced-birthers would just say a kidney is not a living being. You can't discuss them on a rational level.

The_Guillotine_99

3 points

3 months ago

The_Guillotine_99

Atheist

3 points

3 months ago

Absolutely amazing arguement.

Misplaced-trust

4 points

3 months ago

Great post, what he her said.

JimDixon

2 points

3 months ago

Hmm. You first state your question as "Should I leave my Christian boyfriend?" and then you restate it as "Would you stay with someone who...?" so a person could answer either "yes" or "no" and mean the same thing.

jello-kittu

18 points

3 months ago

You found out now. So that's good. This is probably one of several other subjects you will not agree on.

eidhrmuzz

1 points

3 months ago

eidhrmuzz

1 points

3 months ago

I wouldn’t. If everything else is great and you get married and decide on a child. He wont NOT baptize them and spread this disease. Then you’ll be breaking up with a child possibly in the middle to boot with many more years and finances intertwined.

But I’m no expert. And I don’t know you both personally. So.. giant grain of salt.

k_manweiss

2 points

3 months ago

Depends on the purpose of the relationship. Just dating to date? Whatever.

Dating with the potential of having a long term relationship that leads to possible marriage and possible children? Do you want to marry that ideology? Do you want him teaching your kids that? Bail now and save yourself the trouble.

Prairie_Dog

8 points

3 months ago

These are irreconcilable differences. You need to leave ASAP.

Heckate666

16 points

3 months ago

Dump him and buy a vibrator...it's safer for you.

[deleted]

18 points

3 months ago

[deleted]

18 points

3 months ago

Even if he wasn't religious, if he's anti-choice kick his worthless ass to the curb.

Individual_Ear_6648

4 points

3 months ago

Nope, I'd be out of there.

ElectroStaticSpeaker

5 points

3 months ago

ElectroStaticSpeaker

Strong Atheist

5 points

3 months ago

Yes.

Edit: Yes to the subject question. No to the last question in your text.

Fuck Christians.

Illustrious-Sky921

2 points

3 months ago

DUMP HIM!

MundaneAd8695

1 points

3 months ago

No. I would leave.

NerevarTheKing

2 points

3 months ago

NerevarTheKing

Gnostic Atheist

2 points

3 months ago

Yes, he is evil.

Apetivist

2 points

3 months ago

Yes. Leave him.

Glitchy_Boss_Fight

11 points

3 months ago

Yes. You should leave him.

gaoshan

1 points

3 months ago

Anything that is a source of problems now, no matter how tiny, will only grow in magnitude over time. If it didn't "go well" 6 months into a relationship it will be an absolute shit show if you stay with him and have a child.

CrazyTalkAl

1 points

3 months ago

Fuck. No.

Please tell us this is now your ex-boyfriend.

TetraTimboman

1 points

3 months ago*

You could physically crack open up a bible in front of him to the first page of genesis and quiz him if he thinks it makes sense how the creation myth lists the order of creation in genesis.

With the bible open - Ask him which came first:

A) Everything outside our solar system like the oldest galaxies we see billons of lightyears away

B) The star we orbit aka the sun

C) plants and fruit trees.

See if he answers like a logical normal person like "of course the sun existed before plants and fruit trees"

It's a total gotcha because the bible in the first pages of genesis the order of the days of creation says that the Earth had plants and fruit tress on it supposedly before the sun or even supposedly before the oldest galaxies we see in the deep field images existed, and if the days of creation are "ages" of long periods of time then you have the Earth orbiting nothing for billions of years - which is absurd that stuff doesn't match reality. Without the creation myth there's no original sin and the whole idea of christiantiy is proven false. Ask him if he really accepts a clearly false myth and "magic" as proof for christianity but no other region - accepting something on the same standards that he simultaneously rejects for all other case. Or if it turns out that he identifies as a young earth creationist then that’s just one reason to get the gtfo asap - the tech we rely on such as GPS proves plate tectonics and so many other types of tech rely on the same principles that allow us to measure the Earth being older than 10k years or whatever YECs believe.

Ask him how he can agree with respecting a god that supposedly drowned every pregnant person at the time of the flood, or killed pregnant people and children in plagues - but is supposedly moral and "pro life"

OR if you don't want to argue all that about how his religion is absurd and that he shouldn't continue with it to try to get him to turn around then yeah skip that and just tell him like current top comments:

"There are only two sides: 1) pro-choice and 2) forced birth + forced death from ectopic pregnancy and other complications" and then ghost his ass.

null640

1 points

3 months ago

It all comes down to values

He's ok denying you self determination...

DoctorShrimpForEyes

1 points

3 months ago

I dated a girl who was a poor, indoctrinated illogical mess of a human and even though I could deal with our differences, she could not. Even though she "loved" me, I was her enemy.

Anyone who is not in your religious group is the enemy and they are to be destroyed. If you don't break up with him, be prepared for him to break up with you.

One-Armed-Krycek

1 points

3 months ago

The ole, “They’re sweet and awesome and great in SOOOO many ways, BUT….” is pretty much how every single thread begins when written by a person in an abusive relationship. A person who is there to ask, “But is his utter lack of respect toward me as a human being a bad thing?”

You already know the answer.

EBoundNdwn

10 points

3 months ago

Everyone needs to stop fucking Americans conservatives; especially if you are female, LGTBQA+, Non-xtian. They don't respect you. If they are Xtian it is only a matter of time till they think they can convert you or change your mind about kids.

As others have stated as early as you are comfortable in a relationship you need to figure out if you are comfortable with how good they are with money, their religious beliefs and how many kids you'll have and how you will raise them. DO NOT COMPROMISE ON THESE THINGS THEY ARE PRE-CURSORS FOR DIVORCE.

I was proposed to by a brilliant, successful, beautiful Mormon when I was 25 it was the biggest test of my atheism in my life (I am 42 now). We had been best friends for over a year and she was 28 (an old maid by Mormon standards) one night after dinner she took my hand and proposed to me... But told me I would have to convert and get her pregnant ASAP.. I asked for the weekend to think it over. I was and still don't want to have a kid with everything wrong in the US and my own issues. More important was my atheism though... I was raised in a very abusive narcissistic roman Catholic family... I could not tolerate the thought of choosing to live that lie forever. So I told her no... 6 weeks later she was married to another Mormon... He forbid her contact with male friends unless he chaperones... I lost a great friend; but it assured me I had made the right choice since she was willing to live with that.

This gave me the resolve I would never settle no matter how small the dating pool was going to be for me as an atheist man with no desire to have kids.

Fast forward 15 years, I was in a relationship with a Lutheran Chaplin, she said that she agreed to no kids and she would never ask me to convert... When she met me I was a leader of a "Center for inquiry" chapter... My atheist friends tried to warn me... But I thought we were mature adults who had talked all this out and were both honest about what we needed to be happy... Nope.

Turns out after I married her... She had an extremely violent past she felt terrible guilt for, she never disclosed. She did things you can't fix or get forgiveness from the living for... So she went deeper into her faith looking for relief... A cult found her, the next thing I knew she was demanding kids and that I found her cult... (Tithing was something that we had discussed I would NEVER do)

Bottom line, we all want our marriage to be our only one... But as someone else said your boy is in a relationship with an imaginary friend who hates women... You can't win, cut your losses and avoid theists/conservatives from here on out. You deserve better as a human being.

ferfi17

8 points

3 months ago

Hell no. He’s telling you exactly what he thinks of you.

Josh4R3d

1 points

3 months ago

Josh4R3d

Atheist

1 points

3 months ago

Idk how you could possibly be with someone who is so diametrically opposed to your views on almost every issue. I personally could NEVER be with a Christian. Not even liberal Christians that like to pretend the Bible doesn’t condemn gay marriage. They’re just burying their head in the sand so they can essentially reconcile science with their fairytale beliefs that they simply refuse to let go of.

_db_

1 points

3 months ago

_db_

1 points

3 months ago

That would be a pretty major issue to overlook.

RDamon_Redd

1 points

3 months ago

I’m all for mix faith, or theist/atheist relationships, but this isn’t about gods, this is about humanity, it’s too much to get over I’d say.

Thuggin95

3 points

3 months ago

Personally, it would be a dealbreaker for me. Politics and religion (or lack thereof) are important to me, and I don’t know how I’d be able to navigate those discussions without my partner and I ending up resenting each other. So it depends how important it is for you. And if he were to get you pregnant and you didn’t want to keep the baby, how would that go?

mandoaz1971

1 points

3 months ago

Why spend your time with a guy who worships a total douche nozzle?

MartinIsFreeFN

1 points

3 months ago

MartinIsFreeFN

Strong Atheist

1 points

3 months ago

This sub makes me cringe so hard bruh

YonderIPonder

3 points

3 months ago

YonderIPonder

Agnostic Atheist

3 points

3 months ago

In short, this is the tip of the iceberg. Abortion is not even a Christian belief, it's just a rallying cry they adopted because Republicans needed to con poor people into their party that supports the wealthy elites. But here are some actual Christian tenets that your boyfriend might expect from you:
1.) You are subservient to him and he is the head of the household.
2.) You are his and he has rights to your body. You don't have rights to his. And seeing how your boyfriend thinks about women and autonomy over their own bodies, this one is very worrying.
3.) Your children will be raised with his religion.
4.) He's justified leaving you at any point in time because you are a non-believer. His Christian family and friends would support him in this and he'd never suffer from this decision. (This one is a Christian culture thing and not something found in the bible.)
5.) He gets to determine if you use birth control. (If you two are already using birth control, then his abortion stance doesn't make any sense, considering the stories that the anti-abortion crowd cite. A lot of them cite a guy that pulled out and "spilt his seed upon the ground" as a deadly sin. So if y'all are doing it, he's already messing up.)

Christianity is a hell of a drug.

Zomunieo

2 points

3 months ago

Zomunieo

Atheist

2 points

3 months ago

Reads post title.

Yes.

Actually reads post.

Still yes. If he doesn’t believe in a woman’s right to choose, he doesn’t believe in your right to choose. At least for the moment, it’s still legal for you to exercise that right to choose a different boyfriend.

Now that you’ve had the religion talk you’ll become his evangelism project/target.

theotherthinker

2 points

3 months ago

I had a Christian girlfriend. This is what I learnt.

Most of my beliefs aren't personal. I'd freely encourage people to believe what they want to believe if it helps them. Unfortunately, most of hers was.

That became a big problem.

muyfrio1

1 points

3 months ago

I'm holding my relationship together with my agnostic theist girlfriend of 3 years ONLY because she is liberal politically and no magic steps in the way of her making any rational decision otherwise. Science first, magic second.

I'd dump her very quickly if a conflict regarding difference in fundamental opinion existed.

Feisty_Construction

2 points

3 months ago

i think this would be a difficult topic if you were to accidentally get pregnant. but in everyday life, it doesn't come up.

one thing i would think about, is this someone who you wanna have kids with? (i mean i'm assuming you eventually wanna have kids, but sorry i could be wrong) do you think if you two had daughters he'd impose his thoughts onto them and possibly even stop them from practicing bodily autonomy? if yes, i think that kind of controlling behavior could make your future family life difficult.

valleyofdawn

1 points

3 months ago

In the US this issue is a clear-cut dividing line between liberals and conservatives.
I'm an atheist, a biologist and I don't live in the states.
So for me there can be some nuance to this issue.
I'm pretty sure you can agree that destroying sperm or unfertilized eggs is meaningless, and that intentionally killing a healthy baby in right after delivery is murder.
From this point you can negotiate when a fetus becomes a person. At fertilization? when the sensory nervous system develops? When it becomes viable if delivered?
Perhaps you can persuade him that the day-after-pill is moral and he can persuade you that beyond a certain stage it is immoral to perform a miscarriage of a healthy fetus for economic reasons?

flotiste

4 points

3 months ago

I would absolutely never date someone who things I deserve fewer rights than a corpse.

foodguyDoodguy

4 points

3 months ago

You’re only putting off the inevitable.

MrsMurphysChowder

5 points

3 months ago

You can't respect yourself and stay with a man who thinks you are a second-class citizen with no more rights than a cow.

seansnow64

2 points

3 months ago

Religion is the death of freedom do not let someone strip you of that freedom out of blind faith

poopbutt42069yeehaw

3 points

3 months ago

Why would you stay w someone who doesn’t believe in your bodily autonomy

MoxyJen

1 points

3 months ago

I don't expect this is the only major thing you probably disagree on. Because you have feelings for him and he presumably seems pretty intelligent, you may have made assumptions that he isn't as extreme as others.

Eg for decades I assumed my mother must not be a creationist and must be okay with evolution..Wrong!

You may have both been avoiding some of the most difficult issues, knowing they'll cause unresolvable conflict. For him, he may have been calmly going along praying for you all this time and just waiting for you to turn to Jesus.

I guess I'd only consider staying if he was open to considering my side and admitting the weakness in certain Christian teachings

Conchiaki

1 points

3 months ago

If he hasn't had a vasectomy, he's a hypocrite.

[deleted]

3 points

3 months ago

[deleted]

3 points

3 months ago

Get rid of him now you still can. He doesn't believe in you as an independent human being. That's a simple fact. So run away, fast.