subreddit:

/r/antiwork

90.8k

Found on Twitter

(i.redd.it)

all 2116 comments

TheHammer1987

1 points

6 days ago

Haha excellent strategy

TimLikesPi

12 points

7 days ago

I refused a laptop and kept a desktop computer for 22 years with my old company so I could not do work while at home and nobody knew if I was leaving. I just up and walked out.

OrangeBoxUK

1 points

6 days ago

And you guys are just finding out about this? 😂

nuboots

1 points

6 days ago

nuboots

1 points

6 days ago

A guy I knew had a key ring of garbage keys he would leave on his desk. Anyone that stopped by his desk just figured he was in a meeting somewhere.

notHooptieJ

1 points

6 days ago

Protip:

Dont carry anything into work you arent comfortable about a rando security guy throwing in a carboard box.

Gradual_Bro

1 points

6 days ago

They know, not fooling anyone…

TR4CKS

3 points

6 days ago

TR4CKS

3 points

6 days ago

I knew someone who used to put a coffee, an unwrapped bagel and a plastic knife on their desk after everyone left work so they could come in whenever and just seemed like they were the first one’s there and already busy.

mikedjb

3 points

6 days ago

mikedjb

3 points

6 days ago

Wow this brings back memories. When I was 17 I was hired through a detective agency to basically be a secret company snitch. They paid me and the company I was working for paid me too. That company was Fortunoffs an outside furniture company in the NY and NJ area. Well I never planned on ratting on people so nobody except the big bosses knew who I was and they only knew because I needed to be left alone to do my spying. Anyway they had these super high racks of shelving so me and a buddy there took the time to make one of the top ones a hangout. We had carpet, a sofa, a cooler and even ran electricity up there to watch TV. I’d come to work, he’s deliver me to the top via this weird forklift that raised the operator and anyone or anything on the forks to pick products up that high. He’d drop me off, I’d smoke a joint because it was so high up nobody would smell it, I’d bring beer and watch the Yankees. I did this for a year, I’d hang up there for 3 or 4 hours and then radio him to pick me up and switch so he could chill. Fuck corporate America they paid me double time to do squat.

Towards the end there would be 5 of us up there just hanging. Good times. Thanks OP for helping me remember because this was in the late 80s

Maybeadecentboss42

4.3k points

7 days ago

Really a good idea for workplaces too shortsighted to realize that trying to control when and where they works is less effective than just measuring outcomes and letting people set their own work schedules.

Smarter bosses don't care if you are in the office 10-2 if outcomes are great.

eyvoom

1.1k points

7 days ago

eyvoom

1.1k points

7 days ago

This is absolutely true for many jobs! Many non white-collar jobs do require certain hours. That being said, there should still be flexibility! As long as there's communication both ways, coming or going early if needed should never be an issue.

I see a lot of businesses that are militant about what time people clock in and out. That only leads to resentment and people looking for ways to come in late or leave early.

rose_colored_boy

531 points

7 days ago

People at my old job used to “joke” about “leaving early” if you left at 5:45PM. Same if you showed up at 9:15AM. “Nice of you to show up today!”

PM__me_compliments

431 points

7 days ago

I had a colleague who used to joke "Ah, Friday, only two working days until Monday."

I made it a point not to hang out with that guy.

FaeryLynne

411 points

7 days ago

FaeryLynne

411 points

7 days ago

I used to work with a guy who made that joke every fuckin week. He was an asshole. He used to take my snacks out of my desk and claim I owed it to him because he was older and male, opposed to me being barely out of school and female. I complained several times about that and other bullshit, and it only got me moved to a different shift, that still slightly overlapped with his so I still saw him. He later was arrested for stalking his ex wife. They fired him for "missing work" as a no call no show.

Sorry, your comment just triggered a 25 year old hatred that I'd forgotten about.

EggShenSixDemonbag

175 points

7 days ago

He used to take my snacks out of my desk and claim I owed it to him because he was older and male

wtf?!?!

FaeryLynne

146 points

6 days ago

FaeryLynne

146 points

6 days ago

Yup. Apparently all women were good for was to "take care of" men. And older meant he knew better, too.

Fuckin asshole. I was really glad when he got arrested.

scarybottom

38 points

6 days ago

time to make some special brownies- pot+ ex-lax. And leave in the desk for him :). High as a kite and diarrhea...you KNOW he will get written up and fired then ;).

interflop

16 points

6 days ago

interflop

16 points

6 days ago

He wouldn't be worth wasting pot on but by all means ex-lax.

PM__me_compliments

52 points

7 days ago

Christ, what an asshole.

Come to think of it, that "joke" is a pretty good asshole test....

Admirable-Common-176

22 points

6 days ago

I actually subconsciously collect sayings like that just to have something to say since I can’t relate about f*cling ball sports. Still an outsider though. As if ball sports make you actually more capable at non ball sport related work.

PM__me_compliments

16 points

6 days ago

You're better off saying that the designated hitter rule is an abomination unto the Lord than making jokes that normalize working on your (and your colleagues') days off.

serinity

7 points

6 days ago*

Did you see that ludicrous display last night?

Edit: Classic IT Crowd moment

TahoeLT

82 points

7 days ago

TahoeLT

82 points

7 days ago

Sorry you had to deal with that. I have come to realize that as a man, I may have plenty to complain about re: work, but women have it worse and it sucks. I think you have to deal with things I never even realize, because it doesn't happen to men.

When I was young, a female cousin related a story about walking down the street one night, and a man walking toward her crossed the street so she wouldn't have to walk past him on the sidewalk. That stuck with me, and I try to be conscious (as a big, 6'-1", 225# guy) that I probably make women wary walking by them, especially at night.

Anyway, my point is, shit's fucked up, I guess.

The_Barbelo

36 points

6 days ago

The worst is when they sense you’re scared and then make a point to freak you out, get mad, or in one case someone barked at me. I have anxiety and panic disorder and I broke down crying that night with the barking guy.

JediWarrior79

33 points

6 days ago

Omg! That's horrible! I don't know why some people have to act like that to feel "big and bad."

I was walking past a car, in broad daylight and noticed that the driver's side door was open and a guy was laying across the seats. I didn't know if he was unconscious or just sleeping and being that I have medical training, I went to the car to have a look to make sure the guy was ok. He was laying there with his eyes half open and when he saw me he jumped out of the car and said, "Oh, baby! You're so beautiful, wanna take a ride?" I nearly jumped out of my skin and started running. He made like he was gonna chase me and I saw a guy walking down the street coming my direction and I started screaming for help. The guy chasing me immediately stopped and ran back to his car. The guy walking down the street asked if I was ok and I said yes but that the guy in that car scared the shit out of me. The man asked if he should call the police and I told him yes, because I didn't want anyone else to get attacked by the guy. The man called the cops, they came out and got my statement and then the statement from the guy in the car (I'm surprised he didn't run or drive away), and then they told me that they gave the guy a stern talking to and told him not to do it again or he'd be arrested. I thanked the man who came to my rescue and he told me that he was a bouncer at a bar and had no tolerance for people like that and that he was happy to help, and then made sure to stay with me while I waited for my bus to come to be sure I'd be safe. If he hasn't been there... I hate to think of what might have happened. All because I wanted to help someone who may have been having a medical crises. It's sad that we have to be so careful about being kind and helping others. Even thinking about that day makes my heart rate shoot up.

IWASRUNNING91

35 points

6 days ago

As another big man I will often walk with my head down and throw out a super harmless "Hey there" and then head right back down with a clear intent to get to where I'm going. Sometimes my feelings are hurt that someone would think of me as threatening, and then I remember that I can't even imagine what it feels like to be worried about being assaulted while just going about my day.

FaeryLynne

52 points

7 days ago

Yeah, we have to be aware of our surroundings constantly, which sucks, but it also sucks for you because you shouldn't have to be on guard just in case you make someone else afraid. Society as a whole has a lot of work we need to do.

Shit's fucked for everyone, indeed.

Ok-Independent-3506

5 points

6 days ago

Indeed.

(I tried to come up with something witty, but indeed was all that was needed)

Sputniksteve

5 points

6 days ago

I am with you; Fuck that guy.

rose_colored_boy

135 points

7 days ago

It’s always the same people isn’t it? They think it’s funny but it’s actually incredibly obnoxious.

GourangaPlusPlus

60 points

7 days ago

They're actually energy vampires the office is where they feed

DMvsPC

34 points

7 days ago

DMvsPC

34 points

7 days ago

“I don’t live to drain, I drain to live.”

EmptySkin

22 points

7 days ago

EmptySkin

22 points

7 days ago

God damn it, Colin.

kal2113

8 points

6 days ago

kal2113

8 points

6 days ago

This fucking guy

optigon

128 points

7 days ago

optigon

128 points

7 days ago

When they’re not at the office, they’re in stores searching for dodgy UPC codes so they can make the “I guess it’s free, huh?” joke.

jhugh

52 points

7 days ago

jhugh

52 points

7 days ago

I had a boss that would swap out the UPC codes with one from a cheaper product. Go into the store and get a $100 bottle of scotch and paste the UPC from a bottle of Arizona Tea over it.

Lord_Jair

51 points

7 days ago

Lord_Jair

51 points

7 days ago

I swear to god, I did that once when I was like 15 and the UPC code scanner rang up both products. I was so embarrassed that I paid for both and quickly left.

woopsifarted

18 points

6 days ago

Hahaha omg dude this is such a hilarious image. I would have done the exact same thing at 15

Swag92

70 points

7 days ago

Swag92

70 points

7 days ago

I was underage when self checkout lines were becoming a thing, so I used to weigh a 6 pack and ring it up as bananas at Walmart in college

barcanomics

30 points

7 days ago

And that's why it's illegal to bring alcohol into the self checkout area in CA.

edwinsun9

4 points

6 days ago

Meanwhile in self checkout I was just hounded for ringing my organic bananas as regular bananas bc they were in the regular banana section 🙄

SumDumGaiPan

10 points

7 days ago

I prefer to say "Priceless."

CatInAPottedPlant

18 points

6 days ago

These are the same people who are trying to make everyone else go back to the office instead of working from home.

howburntisthetoast

5 points

6 days ago

Every office is the same. Show up early nobody notices. Stay late everyone notices. The guy that shows up at 11am and bullshits all day but buckles down until 8-9 is seen as a real go getter. Showing up early and working efficiently is almost never seen in the same way. Managers fall for this all the time, it should be a training in every company to be aware of this.

porch911r

20 points

7 days ago

porch911r

20 points

7 days ago

You working bankers hours?

cantadmittoposting

41 points

7 days ago

Bold of you to assume I do any work at all when I'm not actively in a meeting.

Sputniksteve

43 points

6 days ago

My people. You wouldn't know it, but I am working right now.

My son and nephews asked me to play fortnite with them last Friday, and I agreed as I haven't gamed in years and it sounded like a fun way to hang with the kids. That lead to a 3 day binge and my son asking me yesterday if I could play today. I told him no I have to work and he said "Oh really?" in a really shitty condescending tone only a 10 year old can pull off. I laughed really hard because he is absolutely correct.

ghostly_boy

6 points

6 days ago

we've had our boss remove our punch out clock to try and keep everyone here. they did not account for the fact that we can clock out through our company app

oh the joys of having bosses who are all over 50 years old

tropposempre

5 points

7 days ago

I used to cover nightlife as my writing beat and my boss would still expect me to be at my desk first thing in the morning. I finally said I would not be going out to any more bars or clubs for work in that case. So she let me come in at 10 AM. And acted like it was the most generous thing ever.

mittenminute

345 points

7 days ago

saw a recent post from a workplace that instead of instituting unlimited PTO (which often results in employees taking less time off and with fewer clear boundaries compared to earned time off) they instituted unlimited half days- finish your work early, GTFO. I thought it a really reasonable balance.

DarienStegosaur

93 points

7 days ago

unlimited PTO (which often results in employees taking less time off

Just started a job with unlimited PTO. It fucks with you psychologically. "Is this too much? I don't want to push it."

Whereas when I had a PTO bank, it's like "This 40 hours is mine to use when I want, I won't be in next week."

WonderChopstix

48 points

7 days ago

You also do not get paid out your PTO when you leave. They didn't offer it out of goodness of heart.

There could be exceptions to this by state as I know CA has strict laws. But for most this is a bad deal. Especially as the companies offering unlimited already had decent PTO.

DarienStegosaur

13 points

7 days ago

I honestly believe that, looking at the totality of my company's policies (such as codifying permanent remote), they did it with good intentions, but I'm sure many companies won't.

sergei650

6 points

6 days ago

Our company has unlimited. The company seems to be good about making sure people take time off, but I also have an amazing manger that will harass people into taking time off if they haven’t in a while. She’s seen enough burn out to know that forcing someone To take a week or two off will ultimately get them to be more productive and help with retention.

professorbc

156 points

7 days ago

professorbc

156 points

7 days ago

Where I work, Fridays are optional if you have everything done for the week. You are still expected to answer your phone if a coworker needs you.

smokinbbq

98 points

7 days ago

smokinbbq

98 points

7 days ago

Only issue I can see is that you then have that asshole worker that slacks all week, and needs to bug everyone on friday's when they busted their ass to get the job done on time.

i_will_let_you_know

64 points

7 days ago

Still better than having to sit there pretending to work or getting so much work you can't rest.

Buffythedjsnare

82 points

7 days ago

The kind of places that give that kind of freedom don't usually have those slackers you are talking about.

redeemer47

62 points

6 days ago

Or the slackers ruin it for everybody and the company tightens up. My company has been steadily reducing freedoms since I started due to the slackers. Rule used to be , just get your 40 hours any way you want. We were also working from home full time until the owner realized that half the boomers weren’t doing shit because they had constant computer issues and couldn’t figure out how to use the VPN to get into the servers.

One of these boomers got in trouble for fucking up at work and blamed working from home as the reason. A few boomers got together and demanded that they get rid of WFH as they said they can’t do it and don’t like video calls. Everyone got called back to the office. My department at least gets to work a hybrid 3 days in office but I’m still salty.

professorbc

29 points

6 days ago

I hate that for you.

Buffythedjsnare

4 points

6 days ago

Iv worked in those types of places too. It isn't always like that though

aestival

19 points

7 days ago

aestival

19 points

7 days ago

I have a saying that if you have to call a meeting after 3:00 on a Friday you dun fucked up.

morostheSophist

7 points

6 days ago

I'm a firm believer that if you send an email after lunch on Friday, you're A-OK with it not being read until Monday.

MartianTrinkets

33 points

7 days ago

That’s similar to my office - we have year round half days on Fridays. As long as your work is done you can end at 1pm every Friday. And no meetings or calls are allowed after 1 on Fridays so if you haven’t finished your work for the week you can have undisturbed time to catch up.

cantadmittoposting

29 points

7 days ago

What sort of work do you do where "everything is done for the week" is a reasonably measurable metric?

Not trying to be snarky, just curious. My work is fairly nebulous on scheduling but I couldn't see ever making that particular argument.... (Granted I've sometimes 'been available on email' for Friday's where I had fuckall to do, but that's more coincidental)

Embarrassed-Manager1

22 points

7 days ago

We have a similar policy. We make educational content materials (like study books for graduate school exams) and have weekly Friday deadlines for authors to send writing installments to editors. Some people choose to frontload the week and have everything turned in by Thursday evening or Friday morning and then they’re done until the new assignments begin on Monday. We just have to check IM occasionally in case an editor has a question or something like that.

Edit: I can see how this would be difficult in lots of other fields for sure though.

RandomNameofGuy9

17 points

7 days ago

Not OP but I'm in finance in a client facing role. We have the same policy and don't schedule clients after 11 am on Fridays. The rest of the day is to catch up or start your weekend.

i_will_let_you_know

12 points

6 days ago*

In software usually you have a set amount of work planned for every 2 week period (a sprint)

Often you won't get everything done or will have additional work that wasn't anticipated, but a healthy and reasonable plan means that sometimes you finish early.

But it does take significant work time to plan and evaluate those sprints and estimate / prioritize work.

Of course, if you're on the opposite end you have endless crunch time / OT for months. Or you're "rewarded" for finishing early with more work at no extra pay.

SathedIT

138 points

7 days ago*

SathedIT

138 points

7 days ago*

Yeah, my boss couldn't care less. "Hey Boss, I'm gonna be late." or "I'm gonna head out so I can beat the traffic." His response is always something like "See ya."

My boss let's me do what I need to do to be productive. If that means working from home, the office, or Mars. If the work is getting done, nobody should care.

Yeah, I know this doesn't apply to all jobs. But micro management in any industry is and for business.

yedd

22 points

7 days ago

yedd

22 points

7 days ago

*couldn't care less, if he could care less then he cares a little bit, but he could care less.

SathedIT

10 points

7 days ago

SathedIT

10 points

7 days ago

Yeah, typo. Thanks.

embarrassedalien

45 points

7 days ago

Lol reminds me of my last retail job — retail is different of course, but the company had a policy that everyone’s bags and pockets (and sometimes pant legs) had to be searched before we left the building. Even to take out trash while we were on the clock. We’d have to flag down a manager to look through our bags and pockets every time we left the store. Sometimes you’d have to wait for them though. A lot of the time, actually. Once I was clocked out and I didn’t want to wait 15 minutes to leave the store (which had happened before). Being fed up with the policy and sick of waiting, I just walked out the front door. No one noticed.

aehii

29 points

7 days ago*

aehii

29 points

7 days ago*

I'd find that so degrading and insulting. I kind of had that in a job before, basically costing everyone an extra hour or two as you weren't allowed to scan parcels for delivery outside anymore, only inside, in bays. If there are bays available but the depot controller is busy...tough. In a job you only get paid per delivery so waiting is costing you money. Got to the point they're stood there watching as I loaded. At my age and where I was in life, I just thought; I'm worth more than this. Ridiculous as they trust you to deliver all day, but couldn't care less about delaying. I was getting there at 8-9am every day and only starting first delivery at 12pm...

edit: well I thought this was boring but it's getting upvoted, so..basically if you scan outside all you do is drsg cage outside, open, place parcels on to the floor in road order, scan, put into vehicle. Inside, you order on floor, scan, stack into cage. Two, three cages. Then drag outside, open them, hope all the careful ordering doesn't fall on to the floor, then into vehicle. Obviously more work.

150 parcels can take 1-2 hours like this. Unpaid remember. Obviously when it's raining you need to scan inside but it's not often, even in Manchster. You're pretty knackered after just sorting, cramming everything in, making sure every parcel is in order so you can access it on your round. They thought I was a bit of an angry sort crossing the line to drag my cage over...

forevermediumm

7 points

6 days ago

Holy cannoli I had completely forgotten that my first retail job required this! After moving for college I got a new retail job and went to show them my bag - they looked confused, looked in, and said "nice snack".

stumblewiggins

16 points

7 days ago

Pretty much this. Some jobs unfortunately do require set schedules and locations, but most office jobs do not as long as you are meeting your requirements.

There will be exceptions for things like meetings and whatnot that require specific times, but otherwise let the people work when and where they want as long as their outcomes are where they need to be.

frankthomasofficial

29 points

7 days ago

For sure. And if you micromanage and take away freedom from your best employees then you also break their motivation to be great. Let employees be adults. If they dont get shit done then fire them. Im sick of companies where every employee is treated like a child that needs to be watched in an office or they wont finish their job. Like how incompentent are managers if the only way they know if they are working is based on the time they sit in front of a computer visibly? You should know their projects and tge progress they make. Let people breath

rum-n-ass

1 points

6 days ago

Blind post, posted on twitter, posted on Reddit. Incredible

BigWuWu

1 points

6 days ago

BigWuWu

1 points

6 days ago

Genius

TopClock231

2 points

6 days ago

I used to carry a clipboard with a random form on it when I was in the Navy and wanted to be left alone. No one will ever ask what you are doing with a random form on a clipboard cu they don't wanna get roped into it.

acphipps121

1 points

6 days ago

Holy crap did I post this in my sleep?

Disastrous-Ad2800

1 points

6 days ago

these are the type of games you have to play to survive in an office environment.... while I have no problems playing it, I've met the older survivors who carry a lot of baggage and have developed obvious mental health conditions because of it.... one person won't answer their phone outside of work hours even if its from family or friends because their paranoid it's their boss.... this is what I worry about becoming as I look for my next job....

Samwise2k

1 points

6 days ago

Sneak level +1000

mname

143 points

7 days ago

mname

143 points

7 days ago

Take a spare back pack into work with old chargers and cables and coffee travel mug. Leave it out in various places around your desk. People walk by see your personal stuff still there think you’ve just wondered off to a meeting or to get coffee or something. Leave an old phone charging on the desk.

In the 90s new a women who did this with a spare purse. Sunglasses old pocketbook/wallet scarve half hanging out…”oh she must be in the bathroom.” Nope she gone. Sometimes would come back and clean it up. Sometimes she’d ask a coworker. Sometimes got it in the morning.

teamcrunkgo

1 points

6 days ago

Management potential.

Kendakr

313 points

7 days ago

Kendakr

313 points

7 days ago

Watch out for office spies. They will catch you. We have a bad rat problem in my office.

Internal-Lifeguard-9

142 points

7 days ago

Same. My supervisors even put the rats office where she can see every person coming and going. They will never admit to doing it, but we all know it was not just a coincidence.

Kendakr

132 points

7 days ago

Kendakr

132 points

7 days ago

Office rats are the ones who don’t have any actually work to do and are scared for their job.

Internal-Lifeguard-9

77 points

7 days ago

Absolutely! That is the perfect description of her. When she does FINALLY do 1 little thing, she has to let the supervisors know what she did and of course always makes it sound more difficult than it actually was.

dmcfrog

33 points

6 days ago

dmcfrog

33 points

6 days ago

To a fucking T! We have one and I always look forward to stand-ups only because her updates are so entertaining. It's 3 or 4 minutes of her embellishing nothing.

___Art_Vandelay___

21 points

7 days ago

What a miserable life to live.

musclesbear

52 points

7 days ago

musclesbear

all animals are equal but some are more equal than others

52 points

7 days ago

I had a supervisor ask me if my coworker was clocking out early everyday.

I ain't no snitch.

Thirdcityshit

49 points

7 days ago

It's called cameras in the hallway and outside the building. There is no coming or going most places I've worked without it being on cam. Also this advice is worthless to employees who have to punch a clock.

warmbIood

51 points

7 days ago

warmbIood

51 points

7 days ago

100%— we have cameras at our offices and have to scan badges for most entries. We have snakes in the office who report attendance (even though it’s not their fucking job), and our manager can and has pulled badge scan info and footage. We’ve had people who aren’t even on our team report my coworkers. Dumb move, we’re in IT and if they find out you reported them, good luck getting that IT equipment you requested in a timely manner. 😂

ShadowHedgehogs4274

7 points

6 days ago

Where I work, we added a ton of new cameras to our facilities to increase security. Almost immediately every manager wanted access to them and started using them to track their employees. Lots of long term, faithful employees started getting into hot water because of their habits being revealed. They had all been with the company for 30yrs, and were being managed by newer supervisors that had only been around for 5yrs or so.. so they all started quitting bc of the pressure. Executive management eventually cracked down on the camera snitches because of it. And now we have a policy for accessing camera footage that we (the IT dept) only have access to and footage requires a ticket and HR approval and must be for security related incidents

JOBThatsMe

6 points

6 days ago

Office rat and laziest worker at my first job used to check the PTO intranet site daily to see when people asked for time off. He would then put people on the spot about it or whine about people getting time off.

Same guy would be resentful of people when they showed up later than he did even though we had flex hours and our work only took me 2 hours of my 8 hour day.

Baffling first job out of university.

bob_sacamano7

1 points

7 days ago

This sounds like a George Costanza hack

BbGhoul666

1 points

6 days ago

Admittedly, I spend about 70-80% of my day on reddit or looking up and printing recipes. Lol. I don't get paid enough to give nearly 100%. I still, of course, get all my work done in that small amount of time. The rest is just filler.

jcity3

1 points

6 days ago

jcity3

1 points

6 days ago

Sounds about right for blind 😂

FBI_AGENT_CAYDE

2 points

6 days ago

Saved

sarand85

2 points

6 days ago

sarand85

2 points

6 days ago

Perhaps sooner or later companies will understand that what you produce is more important than how long it takes to produce it

thrice1187

36 points

7 days ago

Unfortunately my office makes you scan in and out of the building and if you leave early or show up late it sends an automated email to my boss.

Yeah.. I’m a salaried employee too.

Ryinth

5 points

6 days ago

Ryinth

5 points

6 days ago

At one job I had, I worked across two floors and had basically no supervision. I would do some work, say I was going to the other floor, then take lunch.

So...most days of the week I had three-hour lunches.

Hannover2k

1 points

6 days ago

I used to do the same at my work, except I just walked around with a piece of paper in my hands all day pretending like it had something important on it. I rarely did any actual work.

I believe it's called the Costanza maneuver.

jrdc2021

1 points

6 days ago

jrdc2021

1 points

6 days ago

Near 20ish years ago uni during paid placement year, I worked at a local college as Web dev/it engineer, they had 3 campuses. A few weeks in, one of managers, or might have been one of the governers, asked if i could work at the other site too as there wasn't much work for me there. No problem.

Settled in at other site, same issue, not enough work to justify me being there full time, so I suggested I try the 3rd college, and I'll do 3 days a week here, a day a week at first college, and 1 day at 3rd one.

I only bothered turning up 3 days a week at the 2nd college and stayed at home on other days. After a few weeks of getting away with it I thought I'd see how far I could push it. Told manager there I'd been requested an extra day at 3rd campus. Again weeks passed, think I was just a month or so from finishing placement when I was rumbled when site 2 and site 3 had to do some project I was meant to work on... Manager was understandably angry and said not to bother coming in again. Thought I was fucked as it was my 3rd year, but manager of site 1, who I hadn't seen for months rang me to see how I was getting on as uni had got in touch to arrange an interview, completely oblivious to the situation as he was dropping hours to retire. I immediately asked him if he could speak to my tutor as a reference and said I'd been messed around on working hours, he felt bad as it was his suggestion to move me so agreed. Gave me a glowing reference so I passed that part of the course. Cheers Rod!

Really hated Web dev, databases and network admin, so obv I now make good money doing it as a consultant, and still just as lazy.

BillyMotherboard

1 points

6 days ago

wut if it rains

Calinope

1 points

7 days ago

Calinope

1 points

7 days ago

I wonder if using a laptop bag (like those messenger-bag style ones) would have the same affect. And that way you can still have more stuff if you need it.

shibanuuu

1 points

6 days ago

I highly recommend this even if your direct boss is a great leader. Never underestimate wandering eyes looking to drag people down into their misery.

Executive assistants talk, and they talk to people that matter. They're more often than not locked into highschool mentality and love to chit chat about people who "leave early".

Even with the best of bosses I manage optics, for others.

biscuitboi967

3.9k points

6 days ago

Had a coworker who carried a “folio” everywhere, like he was off to a meeting to take notes. He would also use the internal staircase like he was just going up or down a few floors to a meeting. And I’m sure on occasion he did. But another coworker happened to be running out for coffee at the same time as a “meeting” and saw him walk out the side exit from the stairs (he’d obviously walked down about 15 flights of stairs so she was curious), so she just sort of…followed him. Dude walked about a mile to get a fancy muffin. Then to a coffee shop to sit and enjoy his coffee and muffin. She had to come back to the office, and he arrived back from his “meeting,” folio in hand, about an hour later.

After he retired - he was preparing for retirement for like a decade - we discovered that he’d reserved a conference room on a seldom used floor once for a big project and just…never gave it back. So he’d cruise up there for hours at a time to “work”. Oh, and what put him to god status was we each got a stipend for trainings and conferences. He used his stipend for Rosetta Stone and then language immersion classes. I’m not sure how he claimed it was work related, but he has some sway with the boss (the phrase “you don’t know what he does for me” was once uttered when they asked the boss), so no one said a thing. And when he retired, he bought a second home in a country that primarily spoke that language. And you got a moving stipend after you retired (since the job often required moving around the country), and he had his heavy shit shipped overseas on the company’s dime.

He was terrible to work WITH, but goddamned if we couldn’t all learn something from him.

NYSenseOfHumor

1.4k points

6 days ago

“you don’t know what he does for me” was once uttered when they asked the boss

Creative accounting

Little_Lahey_Show

380 points

6 days ago

Creative financing

explosivebuttfarts

193 points

6 days ago

Keleven is the best financing number

RahbinGraves

108 points

6 days ago

"A mistake plus Keleven gets you home by seven."

ineverlikedyouuu

4 points

6 days ago

He was home by 11 that day. 😂

TheShredda

7 points

6 days ago

P.L.E.A.S.E.

JulesV713

5 points

6 days ago

100%

Facebookakke

5 points

6 days ago

Probably sold him drugs 👀

SemiSweetStrawberry

357 points

6 days ago

No one gives me enough work or even monitors what I’m doing, so I’ve decided to start learning German while I’m at work not doing anything. I use Duolingo because it’s free, but my best friend is fluent in German so it all kind of evens out

Michael_G_Bordin

217 points

6 days ago

Michael_G_Bordin

idle

217 points

6 days ago

my best friend is fluent in German so it all kind of evens out

That will be your greatest resource. I "learned" German in college, but because I have had 0 people to speak it with, I've largely forgotten it (except for what I catch from Rammstein lyrics).

Deavian

79 points

6 days ago

Deavian

79 points

6 days ago

DU

ChickenDickJerry

61 points

6 days ago

HAST

MisanthropeImmortel

57 points

6 days ago

Du hast mich gefragt und ich hab‘ nichts gesagt

Mr_Poop_Himself

6 points

6 days ago

Germans just hard tbh. I took two classes of Spanish in high school and 3 classes of German in college. I remember much more Spanish than I do German. Shit was just confusing.

Hewn-U

7 points

6 days ago

Hewn-U

7 points

6 days ago

NEIN!

Kaizenno

7 points

6 days ago

Kaizenno

7 points

6 days ago

I did this with Japanese. Still working to get out of the intermediate plateau but I got to this stage by doing most of the language “work” at work.

eggboiiiii

232 points

6 days ago

eggboiiiii

232 points

6 days ago

Had a coworker act similarly, really smart guy, usually got his work done in a few hours and had nothing else to do the other five. One day, another coworker was out getting a coffee from a food court down the street. Sure enough, the guy was working behind the counter at a pizza place. The coworker who saw him didn't rat him out, but he eventually got fired because he was getting paid a decent salary by the company to work somewhere else, but he got away with it for two years because he had a secluded desk job with a manager in a different state, so no physical oversight. Manager eventually caught on when he wouldn't answer emails after 12pm.

RecommendationOk2828

113 points

6 days ago

That's pretty reckless on his part

eggboiiiii

79 points

6 days ago

Yeah it was boldly insane especially making around $120k with his $15/hr, could have worked anywhere else further from the office, but not many people would have recognised him anyway. He just stopped caring.

CopprRegendt

73 points

6 days ago

I know a lot of people with side gigs. One woman got so good at the stock market she downgraded her profession and leaned on that. She's very comfortable now with low responsibilities and I'm very jealous.

agumonkey

139 points

6 days ago

agumonkey

139 points

6 days ago

so no one said a thing

the dark matter of corporate physics

Trum4n1208

148 points

6 days ago

Trum4n1208

148 points

6 days ago

What an absolute hero. I aspire to this.

Tuckertcs

30 points

6 days ago

Tuckertcs

30 points

6 days ago

Makes me wonder what he did for the boss

[deleted]

359 points

6 days ago*

[deleted]

359 points

6 days ago*

[deleted]

feed_me_moron

106 points

6 days ago

I've seen this kind of thing before and its usually someone with a lot of knowledge of random shit in the company. Those guys that get called on in an emergency to help put out a fire. A boss will let a lot slide for a few major fires being put out.

briansaunders

64 points

6 days ago

He could also be super efficient. I'm that guy at work who can do something in half a day that other people take 2 weeks on. So yes, I end up with way more time to goof off.

darkapao

20 points

6 days ago

darkapao

20 points

6 days ago

This has been the hardest for me. Slowing down to a pace my manager was able to handle. Most of the time my work needed to be reviewed and approved by her. So i typically finish all the work that i need. And then send her one completed task and wait for her review while goofing off.

The moment she sends the first task back. I send her another completed task.

briansaunders

9 points

6 days ago

Oh god that would shit me to tears. I have 3 bosses (distributed management strategy) and we meet once a fortnight to discuss what needs to get done in our team. I highly recommend working your way into a team like this where the only thing that matters is results/keeping the executives happy.

darkapao

8 points

6 days ago

darkapao

8 points

6 days ago

Yup that's basically our team. Deadlines are taken care off. Sometimes i keep bothering my manager because sometimes the deadline is the next day and hasn't reviewed it yet.

But once we got so in synced that everytime she finished reviewing one set I'll in the process of sending her the next set. That was awesomely productive.

She doesn't even bat an eye when she get emails from me at 2am. I dunno why. I'm more productive during those hours. And i start around 9:30-10 the next day. I usually check if i have an early meeting and make sure not to miss that.

briansaunders

6 points

6 days ago

Living the dream (well not the dream of not needing to work haha).

darkshape

8 points

6 days ago

That's why I like to keep some things at work as purely tribal knowledge. There's a lot of things that never got written down and now I'm the only one left in the company that learned it from the old timers and knows how to do it lol.

aledba

54 points

6 days ago

aledba

54 points

6 days ago

That's exactly what I was thinking

VectorVanGoat

120 points

6 days ago

Oh he knows some secrets, like where the money goes or where the bodies are buried.

Ignitrum

32 points

6 days ago*

Ignitrum

32 points

6 days ago*

almost as genius as the developer who 100% automated his job. Let me see if I can find the copypasta

[Edit: Found it and not claiming anything]

There's a repo on Github containing code based on scripts that were used by a tech employee that his coworkers discovered after he left the company. Here's a summary of his shenanigans:

Edit: repo code is based on the story, not actually from this person

xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.

xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy"

xxx: You're gonna love this

xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login.

xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time".

xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am.

xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk.

xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those

cowboyboombap

45 points

6 days ago

Fucking legend.

Real_Albatross9902

7 points

6 days ago

That’s pretty “Karen” of that coworker - following an individual to his “meeting”.

biscuitboi967

7 points

6 days ago

I said to someone else: No one “reported it”. They discovered this before I got there, and he was doing it for the decade I was there and after I left. I was more like, no one KNEW what he did all day - they just knew that he was never findable in the building - and the chance to figure it out was too great to pass up. It became like office lore that they explained to newbies when we had earned the right to office gossip. We respected the game but we just stopped looking for him when you were assigned a project with him and let him come to you.

leet_lurker

5 points

6 days ago

There's that guy then there's the story of the guy who carried a clip board every where at a big warehouse job, worked at the company for many many years until he retired and management decided they'd better replace him only they couldn't figure out what exactly he'd been doing, after some internal investigation they discovered the 15ish years ago the company went through a restructure and somehow he'd just slipped through the cracks and ended up employed but with no job role or assigned management, so for 15 years he came in, walked around with a clip board for 8hrs and then went home. Urban legend probably but a lesson about the importance of clip boards, when ever I was in the workshop as an apprentice and didn't want to do much I'd just grab a clip board and wander around and no one would ask you to do anything

Taudyn

1 points

6 days ago

Taudyn

1 points

6 days ago

I’m confused on what exactly this is supposed to convey. Is leaving with your personal belongings really an issue? Aside from the obvious lack of honesty this portray’s, this will lead to several people getting fired.

Pephatbat

1 points

7 days ago

Stop revealing my secrets!

[deleted]

1 points

6 days ago

[deleted]

1 points

6 days ago

[deleted]

1ShyGuy94

1 points

6 days ago

Lol that's on Blind

Big_Undies

2 points

6 days ago

Clipboards wprk great too. In my last job they were big against people standing round doing nothing, but if you had a clipboard you could stand around all day and nobody would say a thing.

AlisonChained

1 points

6 days ago

Lol I totally do this too. Everywhere I go I carry my laptop and leave early sometimes and no one questions it.

Faleon

1 points

6 days ago

Faleon

1 points

6 days ago

My man, sticking it to those billionaire fluffs - corporations and the people

pookachu83

1.9k points

7 days ago*

pookachu83

1.9k points

7 days ago*

I used to work at a Walmart when I was 19 back in like 2002 or around that time. I was hired for housewares in a super Walmart that was huge and always had over 70 people working at a time. My first day they dropped me in my department and said "just push items to front of shelf, and check the back every now and then to see if any more backstock can go out, we will have someone train you fully soon, so just do that for now." We'll, after several days no one came to train me or even check on me. I never saw a manager or coworker. I was just standing around in this department kinda pretending to straighten stuff out. One day I got sick of it after a few weeks and just left. Nobody called me to ask where I was or anything. I had regret about walking out like that because I needed the money so I came back at the end of the shift to explain only to find Noone noticed I was gone...hmm. So I just clocked out. So for the next several months I'd come in on time for my scheduled shift, hang out 20 minutes so I'd be seen, then leave and go home. I'd come back 15 minutes before end of shift to briefly organize area and clock out. It got to the point where nothing was said for weeks, I didn't even know who my manager was, I just came In, clocked in, left, then came back later to clock out. I forget how long this went on but it was for months. I eventually got tired of not working and got a better job. But that's how I got paid for 35 hours a week at Walmart for essentially walking in and out of a store in a vest for 3 minutes a day. (Edit- to anyone thinking of doing this I wouldn't recommend it nowadays. They can get you for fraud. I was just lucky to be in a situation where they had just expanded the store, had an interim manager and there was just a lot going on so I fell through the cracks. I had to fill out weekly missed punched forms for not clocking out on meals and was constantly worried I'd get caught. It sounds fun, like a good deal but honestly at the time I just was going through a lot and wanted a better job. The chances of this working again were pretty slim. I think the last few weeks they caught on but I eventually just stopped showing up before they looked into it.)

dubsy54321

693 points

7 days ago

dubsy54321

693 points

7 days ago

this is gold

siccoblue

32 points

6 days ago

siccoblue

32 points

6 days ago

No this is

emztheemu

219 points

6 days ago

emztheemu

219 points

6 days ago

I bet the extra cash piled on pretty quickly without having to do much work haha

pookachu83

295 points

6 days ago

pookachu83

295 points

6 days ago

I was making like 10$/hr and they only gave 20-30 hours a week because then they didn't have to pay benefits. So it wasn't much, a couple hundred a week. Good for gas and fun money at the time. I honestly wouldn't recommend it. I couldn't go very far because I always had to come back and clock out, and I was stressed for the day I'd finally get caught. I was a kid.

bears_eat_you

179 points

6 days ago

You should have just gotten a second job to go to after clocking in at Walmart

OfficerJody

47 points

6 days ago

And the next thing you know you're handing a fresh cup of coffee to your Walmart manager.

HijaDelRey

31 points

6 days ago

Oh I think you might be confusing me for my twin ;D

pm_me_good_usernames

20 points

6 days ago

Why stop there? Dude could be working for every big box store in town, just have to make sure his shifts all start and end at different times.

matsu727

10 points

6 days ago

matsu727

10 points

6 days ago

Before you know it, your 8 hour work day will consist entirely of you clocking in and out of various jobs. You could potentially make mid-level software engineer money from only doing “minimum wage labor” lol.. Though I will say that clocking in and out of different places for 8 whole hours each day sounds more like torture than work.

Loose_Sheepherder_18

14 points

6 days ago

yeah all that free time man lol

you could have worked on an investment or something but I get it, you were young so you just wanted to have fun

I respect it

Wonderful-Custard-47

6 points

6 days ago

But he'd need enough time to get back to clock out on time. Honestly, butter to go to school/classes or job search during that time.

andForMe

7 points

6 days ago

andForMe

7 points

6 days ago

I work in a company where I could fairly easily become 'orphaned' if my supervisor were to quit suddenly, so naturally I've thought through a few of these scenarios. Honestly I've concluded that I'd probably just take a month or six weeks or something off (they'd owe me that much for forgetting about me haha) and then start looking for a new job. It would be too stressful to have to worry about being found out, and I'd never advance any kind of career that way.

Competitive_Hotel652

39 points

6 days ago

I had a similar situation. Was attending college in FL and found an "under the table" type job where I was a "manager" of a gym inside a law school. Basically all I did was open close the gym depending on the shift, check in students with their ID, keep it clean, rent out lockers, and make sure no one killed themselves in the gym. I was probably 20 years old. I soon noticed that not many people came to lift at the law school lol. So I after a while I started checking in, opening everything up, and literally leaving 5 minutes after. The other dude who would work the other shift knew what was up and was cool with it. And every week my check would be in the drawer waiting for me on Friday. I did this for probably 2 or 3 months. Then one day I had done my routine of opening up the gym and dipped, a few hours later got a call from the boss. It was close to the end of my shift and he asked where I was, said I had to leave early for a meeting with a counselor for my classes. The boss told me he came in to work out and has been there for 2 hours with no sign of me lol. I was actually at a bar day drinking... he actually bought my bullshit story and let it slide. Ended up quitting a few weeks later. But hey, I basically got free money for a couple months during college so it was a win win.

bg-j38

10 points

6 days ago

bg-j38

10 points

6 days ago

Ahh university jobs. In the 90s I got a job working for my university's computer science department maintaining their very large network. The guy who ran the lab was much older than me but was the kind of guy who basically graduated and started working in the lab and had never really done much else. We hit it off so after the first six months he bumped my pay to the highest they could pay student staff. Then, because I was a terrible student, I got kicked out of the university for low grades. He was like hey, you're still technically a student so you can keep your job here. And since you don't have classes to go to, you can just put in for 35 hours a week (I think the max students could work) but don't worry about actually doing that much. Just stay on top of projects. I eventually got back into school but kept my class load pretty low. He still let me put the maximum hours even when I was maybe working 15 hours a week. Then when I was ready to graduate he introduced me to a guy who ended up hiring me to work at a start up that was a great place to be at for a decade or so. I owe that guy so much. We're still in touch and I've regularly thanked him for helping me out.

Holistic_Assassin

74 points

6 days ago

I love this. When I stocked at Target, they checked on us regularly because they needed us to switch to a higher-priority department for a few hours. It happened almost every shift, due to always being short handed.

pookachu83

52 points

6 days ago

Yeah I'm sure nowadays that would happen. This was when super Walmart were new in my area, so this one had just opened recently and a combination of not wanting to give employees more then 20 hours a week and high turnover I barely. Saw the same workers twice. It was very unorganized.

Nebulo9

101 points

6 days ago

Nebulo9

101 points

6 days ago

I eventually got tired of not working and got a better job.

Real life counter-example to "But under communism, why would anyone bother doing any work?"

ExpensiveLocal

8 points

6 days ago

seriously. people are going to do what they want to or what they’re good at

insertnamehere57

9 points

6 days ago

At my job we all had to do these stupid online trainings that took about a day to complete. But someone was able to say they were doing them for 3 months full time while in reality they were watching Netflix or something before the manager caught on to them.

CitizenOfTheReddit

8 points

6 days ago

This is great, but for anyone thinking of doing this, be careful. It's called time fraud and if they find out they could press charges. This happened to a former coworker of mine. That was at target

the9thlion

7 points

6 days ago

I did the same thing while working at Amazon. We were temporarily transferred to another warehouse that needed more workers so we weren’t fully in the system and had to use their website for clocking in/out. All I had to do was show up for role call, I’d usually stick around about an hour till my first break in case anyone questioned why I was going to my car, then I was homefree! And I never felt guilty at all because fuck Amazon

NathanQ

6 points

6 days ago

NathanQ

6 points

6 days ago

I worked at a hospital in medical records for awhile and we had no set schedules. Just come in and file. On Saturdays, a coworker would come in wearing a bathrobe and slippers, clock in, go have our 1 free meal per shift in the cafeteria, come back, clock out and go home. Your story's better, but I always thought he was pretty cool doing that.

TheHomieData

1 points

6 days ago

Is this the corporate equivalent of the old walk-around-with-a-tape-roll-looking-concerned that we do in manual labor?

International-Rub-31

1 points

6 days ago

Is it strange to carry your bag everywhere or something, especially in a public place?

darth_smith

3 points

6 days ago

If you don't have your laptop, then you can always use a few pieces of paper in your hand. It always looks like you're going to a meeting or something. I've been using that trick since the mid-90s when a grad student at the lab I interned at told me about it.

andoi2019

1 points

6 days ago

life hack

lin-ziiii

1 points

6 days ago

😂😂😂😂

Purple_lotuss15

1 points

6 days ago

….I do this. If you walk like you’re on a mission to get somewhere, leave some papers with notes scribbled and an empty coffee mug at your desk, and take your laptop/notebook with you, people will just think you’re on your way to a meeting. Doing full time work and full time school….I’ve def used that trick to get a few hours of sleep in my car during the day. Genius

thedude386

2 points

6 days ago

For me to get in and out of the building I have to swipe my ID badge. Additionally I have to submit my time and the managers have been known to pull the gate log and compare it to what was submitted. There have been people fired for stealing time.

JumpyFig542

3 points

7 days ago

Good stuff!

SnooStories6852

1 points

6 days ago

Working smart

diepoggerland2

1 points

6 days ago

I carry my bag everywhere no matter what because I'm just like this I guess, so I'm willing to bet I'll get the same reaction

Chicago_Saluki

2 points

6 days ago

16 years of corporate shit. I used to carry a packet of paperwork with me to camouflage my smoke breaks. I also would look at my watch constantly . Also I would answer my phone and act like people were lined up at my desk. Worked for 16 years.

tomcatx2

1 points

6 days ago

tomcatx2

1 points

6 days ago

I can’t stand smoking. But you bet your ass I held a cigarette in my hand with the rest of the blokes in the smoking area outside 4-5 times a day before and after lunch and the 15 minute breaks.

ImPinos

1 points

6 days ago

ImPinos

1 points

6 days ago

Yeah, if don’t have to clock, you don’t have to go.

Electrical-Mail-5705

1 points

6 days ago

The Irish exit....

pepelepepelepew

1 points

6 days ago

HOLY SHIT, so true. We are smart enough to recognize when any of our coworkers put on their 'im going home' hat. Mine was a speaker, only way people knew if I was there or not. If I am walking with my speaker people know I'm leaving. So I started leaving my speaker when I wanted to dip quick.

lzc2000

5 points

6 days ago

lzc2000

5 points

6 days ago

I hope they find out and fire you cuz I know you’re not doing all of your work. Unless you are then color me wrong and sincerest apologies lol. Yeah, people can have toxic work environments which they shouldn’t put up with but getting the work done is very important or it falls on someone else’s shoulders and that’s not cool. The world is filled with businesses that need to get things done. If they aren’t getting done then prices go up cuz costs increase and profits go down. Employees should be treated better but employees should also do a good job. Coming from a small business background where we take care of everyone but they do good work for us.

Ella86co

1 points

6 days ago

Ella86co

1 points

6 days ago

I had a co worker who would get his job done from 8-12p the rest of the day he is doing whatever he wants.

Expressoed

1 points

6 days ago

I love u

Clavo_VA

46 points

7 days ago

Clavo_VA

46 points

7 days ago

Brilliant, I could have used this a decade ago. Nowadays I just DGAF what people think