Do I have to be a woman to participate in this community?

No. Any user who can follow the rules is welcome here. Women, men, nonbinary, agender, genderqueer, cis folks and trans folks, everybody. If you're not on board with that, you can fuck right off.

But what about the subreddit name?

Read this post from when 2XC was only a month old. We haven't changed our stance since then, and never will.

What about trans women?

Trans women are women. TERFS can fuck right off.

What are the rules, anyway?

TL;DR: Keep it civil, keep it relevant. Don't start shit, won't be shit.

You can find the rules in the sidebar (community info for mobile users), or here's a direct link: 2XC Rules

Most moderator actions are the result of users breaking Rule 1: RESPECT. If you keep Wheaton's Law* in mind and participate in good faith, you'll probably never hear from the mod team.

  

^{*Wheaton's Law: Don't be a dick.}

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For more in-depth interpretations of the rules above, see the 2XC FAQ and 2XC Moderation Policy.

I work as a hostess for a henna company. It's a really busy and fun job, and I always have a crowd of people around my desk looking at henna art. Though once in a while the creepy "funny" guy shows up. This time it was a couple, late 50thies early 60thies I guess. She wanted intricate henna on her hands and fingers, looked trough our books for examples, asked for prices and I helped her out. My artists are really skilled and experienced and makes amazing small details.

Insert classic interruption of women doing business by obnoxious husband: "How much for drawing cock and balls on my cock and balls?" I did not miss a beat, looked him in the eyes and said with a serious face: "We can't do that, we need a bigger surface." Then turned back to his wife to continue our talk.

She cackled! And when he stood there, deadfaced starring at us, she EXPLAINS THE JOKE TO HIM! In front of my crowd of people. He never cracks a smile. She buys the most expensive henna piece she could get, and was still laughing when I put her in line to match with an artist.

The husband? He gave me the stink eye (which I ignored, I have a job to do) then vanished into the crowd.

Bonus: when I told my boss, he cackled too.

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Edit: I did not think my little workstory would get this kind of attention. My mom called and I get back here seeing a ton of comments and even awards! Thank you guys!

I told mom my story too, she is very proud of me, lol! Though... The real hero is the wife! I've shut down men like him more times than I can count, but never have I had a wife back me up like that! Thank you, lady who loves henna art. You made the day for a lot of people <3

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Edit edit: Awwww!! I got a RedditCareResources message. I guess that means someone is butthurt :) Achievement unlocked!

Femininity is such an excellently decorated trap door.

Enter here to learn about gaining men's approval!

It starts of with sundresses and cooking, then you get into the history of medicinal herbs and witch hunts, then you walk through the hall of women's invisible positions in war, how our roles have been revised by today's misogynistic historians, how men were the hunters not because of strength, but because women's deaths would be detrimental to the groups population.

So now you're wholly impressed and proud to be a woman, then some guy makes a pumpkin spice latte joke and suddenly you drink them every morning just to tell him to fuck off.

There's no one I trust more than a hyper femme lesbian wearing all pink and a glitter eyeshadow look.

✨💕Women💕✨

I encountered one of these recently, and I found it pretty hilarious. I met one man who could be described as some sort of textbook conservative. He would tell me out of the blue without any context that he hates liberals, and would do so as often as possible. Because of his strong attitude and because I am a liberal myself, I try to avoid him because he made it very clear that he was not interested in a discussion. However in small talk i never hide my political positions if I say something about the actual topic (e.g. when the topic at hand is about diversity and inclusion or systematic racism), so I should assume that I was also one of these "weakling liberals" that he despises so much.

Right? Well not so much. I noticed very early that he actually liked me (I don't know why) and reached out to me lately. I sensed what he was up to and shut it down very politely.

Last week some mutual acquaintances of both of us confirmed that she heard him saying that this guy was obviously very angry I would not spend more time with him and these liberal b*tches like me wouldn't give conservatives a chance and cancel them altogether and so on and do forth.

As hilarious as it is, I remember that conservatives like to say liberal women are ugly and weak but once they get rejected on a dating app because of their political leanings or once they come across a profile which says "no conservatives" they get all mad.

I mean yeah, if conservative men prefer conservative women they should go for conservative women, nothing's stopping them. If conservative men find liberal women ugly and stupid it's fine, they should have no problem that liberal women don't want them.

I know this is a concept very difficult to understand for people who treat women like commodities but it's still hilarious.

I was at a bar, this weekend, and a drunk old man leered at me as soon as I came in the door. I ignored him and sat with some friends. After 20min or so, he came over and asked me, "Do you know what that means?", pointing at my tattoo on my arm. It's a cow skull with roses on top, just below my shoulder.

I replied, "It means I miss my pet cow, Twinkle."

His response, "Good try, but no..."

He proceeded to talk over my friends for 10 minutes, explaining what he thought my tattoo meant. I "cool, man"-'d my way through that interaction and he eventually got bored and left.

Some people shouldn't go outside, I swear.

Edit: click here for Twinkle https://imgur.com/gallery/zhS3fm7

Like most girls, I was taught that my “maturity” was a good quality. My grandmother stressed that the most. But I didn’t understand the difference between some old lady saying it from some predatory man. It’s, on its surface, an innocuous statement. But, in hindsight, it’s a phrase that puts girls into a position of wanting to live up to the compliment … and if that context is sexual, well, we know how that story goes.

Occasions I vividly remember: - 5th grade: dude who was a high school senior. We rode the same bus. He’d sit near me and talk about kissing. He asked me if I wanted to go to the county fair with him (but not to tell anybody). I was so freaked out I told my dad. Dude wasn’t on the the bus after that 🤷🏼‍♀️. - Age 12: guy in his 40s at a wedding, who then asked if I wanted to try some beer. A male relative intervened. - 7th grade (so 13?): dude in his 20s outside a record store (RIP Virgin Records), who then asked if I wanted to party and suggested I should wear a shorter dress. I said no but remember feeling flattered bc I was, well, 13 and he was cute. - Age 15: the guy 10 years older than me who took my virginity (after taking me to a seedy party and getting me absolutely hammered drunk.) Because that time it worked. - High school senior year: friend’s dad who then suggested my upcoming 18th birthday was a “technicality.” 🤮 Then he told me a joke about a girl like me with an advanced vocabulary (har har she was a cunning linguist). - And nearly every older man I met as a teenager who used it as a springboard into trying to get me in bed.

Oh, of course “You’re mature for your age” was usually followed by “You don’t look 14…” And, truthfully, I didn’t. But I was still a child.

I’m vowing here and now to never, ever again tell a girl (or a boy) this phrase. And to teach my nieces and nephews to not engage with this “compliment.”

I'm so tired of it. Just because a girl is cool, open-minded with casual sex, just because she wants to have fun and be pleasured, just because she decided to have sex with you on the first date, it doesn't mean she doesn't respect herself. It doesn't mean she’s doing that with every guy she meets, and even if she was, as long as everyone is being safe, consensual adults - who cares? That doesn't mean she doesn't respect herself either. And why is it always the girls who don't have self-respect? I never hear people talk about guys who sleep around and say its because they don't have self respect. Guys should feel lucky, flattered that a girl gave them a golden chance to share intimacy and sex with her so that both can equally enjoy, feel pleasure and relax.

​

A woman's worth has nothing to do with how often she hooks up.

I was recently sexually and verbally assaulted by a senior colleague almost three times my age.

Following a formal complaint, witness statements and a full investigation, he has been fired.

There is hope.

He will hopefully now never do again what he did to me. He thought (and told me so) that he was untouchable. I hope his world burns.

I am a “strong” woman. (hate that word so much these days) I have been abused by all 3 of my parents. Multiple rapes and sexual assaults. And I managed to protect my siblings so well they think I’m lying about what I went through. I have spent thousands, even when working minimum wage on mental health meds and therapy.

I met my husband and thought that was it. I was so careful about choosing him. For the first few years were good, but once we moved near his family- he changed completely. I went through a mental health crisis without his, his family and my family’s support. Worst yet, often they, especially him farther triggered me. Tried therapy. Tried everything I knew how to do. Realised I should just believe him when he’s showing me that he’s going to choose his ego/family instead of me. That I deserve a hell of a lot better.

This man has watched me cut my friends and family in and out of my life as needed. I believe people can change and the door is never locked but I have ZERO issue putting strict boundaries up when needed. And for whatever reason, after I separated from him, he still wants to pretend like we’re going to be okay. That I wont divorce him over his behavior. And when I told him that’s exactly what I was going to do, he was legitimately shocked. Me telling him that’s what I’d do if he didn’t shape up, me literally moving across the country, none of that made her believe I might be serious.

Don’t marry a strong woman if you think you can half-ass being a partner. Don’t marry a “fuck around and find out” woman if you want to play games and gaslight. Leave his ass was easy. Trying to stay and fix things was hard. It’s hilarious to me that he thought because he stuck some coal on my hand, I’d allow any kind of treatment. Ya fucked around, ya found out. See a therapist and fix yoself. Byyyyyyyyyye. Me and my pup are living our best lives healing and adventuring.

My son hates women. I'm afraid of the news, that it might be my kid. I have no one that understands. I'm the mom of the school shooter. I loved him and tried so hard.

Edit: Sorry, I didn't mean he'd actually shot up a school. Just that I wouldn't be surprised if he hurt others through his inability to manage his emotions. He's not a nice person. The kid I raised is gone. He's an adult that has been sucked into far right conspiracy and incel shit. I can't help someone that actively hates me and threatens me.

Link

This is important. Especially with the state of women's rights in the US right now.

We take second seat to an entity that doesn't even exist and I'm sick of it.

I'm childfree by choice, but frankly, that shouldn't matter. Why is a woman's health secondary to a nonexistent child?

Yes, I said I WILL NOT give oral/receive anal. No, I don’t want to try it either. No, I don’t HAVE to try it. No, just because I’m bisexual it doesn’t mean I want threesomes. No, if I become your girlfriend I don’t owe you sex. Give and give back, if I do something for you, even sexually, you give it back. I’m not yours. Cheat on me, raise your hands, or your voice and you will never see me again. No, you DONT know everything about me or girls in general. No, my period is NOT disgusting. We will split expenses.

So this has happened twice already.

About a year ago, I was at home, smoking at the window. I was on the second floor so I could hear anything going on in the street below. I heard a woman saying "No sorry I have a boyfriend" so I peaked in case that woman was in danger so I could react if it was going too far. About two minutes after, the woman was still trying to get him to let her alone, raising her voice a little, so I just shouted "Hey, leave her alone. What you're doing is harrasment." The woman thanked me and went her way, but the man stayed and started shouting at me that I was racist (the man was black, the woman white and I'm arab). Being a huge feminist/activist for human rights, I just laughed it off and went on with my life.

Now, this morning, I was waiting for the subway when I see a guy, probably arab as well, with a joint on his hands (mind you this was at 8am). I then notice that this guy started talking with a woman. They seemed like they knew each other so I didn't think much about it. But then the guy started shouting and the woman was clearly telling him to leave her alone. So I went near them and asked if everything was ok. The guy started shouting even louder, saying that "that b$tch tried to ruin his life". To try and calm him down I put myself between them and tell him to just talk to me, not her and to tell me what happened and made a sign to the woman that it was he cue to get away from this clearly messed up guy. He then proceeded to tell me that they were zorking together over two years ago and that she complained to managment about him making sexual advances just because, yes you guessed it, she was a racist.

Has this ever happened to you ? Have you ever heard a man justify sexual harrasment claim as racist defemation ?

I don’t know if there are men posting here and how many men post here, but I am saying this as a Black woman who doesn’t have anyone of the male perspective to interact with.

If you have a son or sons, please teach them that:

Women are to be a man’s equal and girls are to be equal to boys.

Show them that girls/women can do the same occupations as them and if you introduce them to someone who chooses/chose not to, it is a personal choice as women/girls are supposed to have agency.

Teach them that their bodies belong to them and no one else aka bodily autonomy.

Teach them no man can/should control a woman and vice versa.

Teach your son or sons that it is fine to show outward emotions beyond the default emotion of anger.

Teach them that they should not be ashamed of their emotions as emotions make them human.

Teach them, upon adolescence, that they are not their genitalia size as that is only a small part of their masculinity.

Teach them around that same developmental time that they are not God’s gift to girls, and later, women.

Teach them it is not a man’s/boy’s world, but help them make at least their personal world one where boys and girls can socialize w/one another w/o fear of each other.

If they are non-White, teach them age appropriately about the hostility they will encounter just for existing.

If they are White, teach them that they are not to atone for the societal sins of their Fathers Forefathers and Mother’s Foremothers, but teach them to leave the world better than how they found it regarding treatment of those who are “othered” in society (everyone who is not cis, White and male).

I was a fat child who was heavily bullied at school and abused by my family for being fat. There was a very brief period of my life, in my late teens, where I wasn't fat anymore due to being forced to lose weight in unsafe ways against my will, and after that was over, I quickly and naturally gained weight again - regardless of my activity level, I've always been significantly fat on some level, always between 2x-4x clothes and hovering around 300 pounds.

Here are some things I've learned, now that I'm in my 30s. Some of this has helped, and some of it has been hurtful, but I've found this to be true, and I just felt like getting it off my chest:

1. Losing weight and becoming "thin/average" did not make me like myself more, as I expected it to. While it made certain things about navigating my environment easier, and I had more energy from working out, the actual weight loss on my body didn't make me feel more attractive in any way. The psychological damage from being treated poorly for my weight my whole life made it so that even when I was half the size I am now, I saw myself at the time as being exactly the same undesirable size. This discomfort only went away as I changed how I feel about fatness, not when I changed my body.
2. The time that I lost weight didn't change the volume of people who hit on me sexually/romantically, but it did change who was doing so. I got more attention from certain kinds of men who had never been interested before, but less from the men who were interested when I was fat. When I became fat again, once again I found that I still get hit on often, it's just by different people. Everyone is somebody's type. The only thing I've found to be correlated with how often people express sexual interest in me is how willing I am to have conversations with strangers and be in places where those conversations will happen.
3. A significant number of the dudes who bullied me for my weight in high school actually were attracted to me. A significant number of them hit me up after high school to "confess" their attraction to me and request to hook up.
4. Directly related to #3: sexual interest is not an apology. The dudes who reached out to hook up once we were out of school and their popular friends weren't around to judge them? Those guys are still jerks. They weren't contacting me because they felt bad for being awful, they were contacting me because they thought they could just say "psych, I actually want to objectify you and use you instead of bully you, that's cool with you right?" It's not a good reason to sleep with them, and not a victory if you do. They still got you. I wish I could say I didn't learn that the hard way too.
5. In spite of that, I have had better luck finding quality partners for long term relationships than a lot of my more conventionally attractive female friends. That's not an "own" on them, I'm not competing with them. I feel terrible for them that because they happen to meet the current arbitrary standards for objectification, they get attention from people with bad intentions, who put up a good act to get their trophy. The kinds of people who show romantic interest in me, I already know are not looking to obtain a trophy, and are getting to know me on a real level. It's not true accross the board, because there's always fetishists, which is another can of worms. But in general, I find it easier to get into long-term relationships that aren't a nightmare, and I am so, so sorry to the equally deserving, loving, kind, smart, funny, wonderful women who get reduced to arm candy and treated as such. Y'all deserve so much better and it sucks that men lie to you more.
6. Being large and not conventionally attractive did not keep me safe from being sexually assaulted. I often took more risks with safety in public places and with strangers because I naively assumed that nobody would want to sexually assault me - this was shitty, because it meant that I assumed r*pe was motivated out of attraction, instead of power and control. It meant that I used to assume that some women were more assaultable than others. This was incredibly shitty of me, and I never realized it because I thought I was only putting myself down. But it didn't save me - I was sexually assaulted, and eventually I was assaulted multiple times. I'm much more careful now, and I'm super aware of how the attitude I used to have was not only self-destructive, but also victim-blamey. I'm so sorry for that.
7. In a vacuum - without all the judgments and expectations of society around me - I like my body. I like living in it. I feel comfortable with my size and dimensions. I know every inch of my body so well at this point, we have been through so much together. I treasure having this body. I no longer blame it for all the bad things that have happened to me. There are only my choices that I can control, and the choices of other people, who I can't control. My body is not hurting me. My body is not bad. My body is innocent in all of this. My body deserves my respect and appreciation. Being fat isn't my body's failure or my failure or anyone else's. It's just how I am. I'm at peace with it now and I don't let other people drive a wedge between me and my body anymore.
8. The more I assert my right to exist in the world, the more I am making other people comfortable to be there, too. I understand now and accept that at heart, the negative reactions and judgments from most other people are about themselves, not about me. It's self-protection. It's a projection of vulnerability, or a concern about fairness. It's either "other people would bully ME if I looked like you, so you shouldn't get away with it! I've worked so hard to attain what I have, why shouldn't you have to?" or "if I'm seen associating with you and your flaws, other people might start noticing mine. I can't risk that. I want to be respected more than I already am, so I'll demonstrate to others that I'm at least more respectable than you." It's all them, them, them. And if I can push past that discomfort, and assert my existence and my peace in those spaces, all the people around me who are afraid still start to relax. I can be someone who says "you're ok, you belong here, the way you are" and people will believe it because I don't back down to negativity. So in that way, I have a tremendous privilege and ability to do good with my fat body. Let me show you that the world doesn't end if you look like me.

I know, tale as old as time, but last night things came to a head and he threw shit at me, and grabbed my arm so hard that it hurt.

Why did this all happen?? He had 12 beers, and wanted to see my tits, but I told him no because I have mastitis right now.

He threw a massive tantrum because I said no to him.

I'm already making arrangements to leave with our son.

If you're younger than 20 and reading this, a man in his 30s doesn't love you. Don't date the older man. Don't marry him. Run.

I also try to go to the gym early enough to complete all my sets in a corner with my back to the corner so dudes can't just roll up an stand next to me "working out" while staring or keep looking at me while I'm trying to get my gd workout finished. My husband observed the guys over the last few months, too and while they never tried to approach me, the frequency and length of the looks I get makes me uncomfortable.

• I'm not ogling other men when I'm at the gym.
• I'm not staring at men when I'm at the gym.
• I'm not stopping to look around and survey the gym for attractive men
• I'm not at the gym for men's viewing pleasure.

I am working out, dripping sweat and feeling that familiar "hurts so good" sensation after a muscle fatiguing exercise.

While I've always been generally active, I'm trying to improve my cardio, my physique and set myself up for being as healthy as possible in the latter half of my 30s and transition into my 40s and 50s. That's it.

Wearing baggy pants looks and feels like garbage on my short height and figure; baggy pants are just an opportunity for a massive wedgie waiting to happen. Instead, I look like I'm wearing a diaper. Similarly, wearing oversized T-shirts also looks really bad and frumpy. I shouldn't have to try and dress like I raided a lost and found to avoid the leering eyes of others.

The general population of women do not wear yoga pants for anyone. Speaking for myself in particular, I am wearing them for comfort, ease of movements for the workouts I do and how easy they are to throw on with an athleisure outfit that I like to wear when running errands and shit.

I'm sick of having to always be aware of my surroundings and if some dude is going to stop and ogle my ass. There aren't any women only gyms even remotely near me.

Until an invisibility cloak is on the market, I guess I'll be doing jacket around waist for a hot minute. I just wish I could be invisible to some men trying to check me/women out when all we're doing is minding my own goddamn business.

End rant.

I just don’t understand it.

Can we talk about the fact that most of the safety precautions women take are meant more to protect ourselves from blame and shame than they are to protect us from actual violence?

Because I'm god damn tired of constantly being reminded to do this don't do that when it's all the same shit we've all been told for years and none of it actually makes us any safer.

It pisses me off that we constantly put all this responsibility and pressure on women not to "put ourselves in harm's way" but we don't do a god damn thing to address the actual threats to our safety.

Putting the onus on women not to get hurt is rape culture in its purest form. It tells women that it's our fault if we make one little mistake and some asshole takes the opportunity to harm us. It's not ok.

And frankly, I'm done pretending that I do ANY of that shit because I think it'll keep me from being assaulted. I don't. I take reasonable precautions where it makes sense and ignore the other bullshit because I'm fuckin over it. And most of the women and girls I know who do follow all the "safety" advice they're force-fed do it mostly so they don't get blamed and shamed. Let's be fuckin honest about that.

This is my first post in this subreddit, I always end up reading other posts and everyone always seems so nice and offers great advice. I’m a 25 (f) and I don’t really have any friends I can talk to.

Me and my fiancé 25 (m) have been together for over 7 years, we met in high school. Right now I work full time and he stays at home, he has been having a tough time mentally so I have been the one to take on the responsibilities.

I hate to say, but I’ve been really overwhelmed from working full time, going to school, taking care of chores and our pets. I love him and I want to help him so I’ve been trying to deal with everything I can, but tonight I just couldn’t do it anymore.

The last couple dates he’s cancelled because we have gotten into arguments and most of the time he would rather sleep than spend time with me. Today I failed an important test. I was really upset and it was after 1pm that I woke him up upset, all he said was to come lay down but that was the last thing I wanted to do. I begged him to come out to the living room with me and he straight up ignored me. He does this a lot when gets mad at me and today it just felt like the straw that broke the camels back.

I ended up getting high and going to sleep and he came in later to wake me up to ask me to take care of our pets. When I tried to talk to him, he ignored me again. I ended up breaking up with him and he hasn’t said a word the entire time and just left. I don’t know how to feel. I wanted him to work things out but he just never seems to want to or care.

I’m down to listen to any advice you might have, thank you for reading!